


Step to the Right, Give Up the Fight

by sinkingblues



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Joonmyun-centric, M/M, Mass Effect AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-06
Updated: 2015-05-06
Packaged: 2018-03-29 06:20:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3885637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinkingblues/pseuds/sinkingblues
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mass Effect!AU. Through the darkness of space, Joonmyun finds his way back to the arms of the Archangel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Step to the Right, Give Up the Fight

_2180;_

He struggled to move through the lethargy, the weight of the humidity dragging him down. Summer in the tropics was particularly terrible this year, and he kicked his sheets off, sweat gathering on his skin. He groaned, rolling over and opening his eyes, rousing from the illusion in his subconscious.

Joonmyun waited for the little details to register in his mind: from a sharp jaw, to the slope of a nose, to the soft, plush lips he liked to claim as he often as he could. But the moonlight, filtering through the expensive curtains of their hotel room, showed nothing but the creases and folds on a bed sheet left by a body that was there no longer.

So he sat up, cringing as his wet skin made contact with the already-damp fabric around him, and looked around. He didn’t dare turn on the light; there was peace, tranquility in the darkness that he cherished so much. Joonmyun wiped the sweat off his forehead, glistening on the back of his hand as he swore that he would take a shower as soon as he could.

Something held him back, a movement in the corner of his eyes. “Jiaheng?” he said, voice forcing its way through the cobwebs in his throat from his… activities of the past night.

“What did you call me?” That deep voice was unmistakable, even in the lack of sight. Yifan stood, movements slow as if he struggled to pick himself up from the weight of gravity on his limbs. “You… you never call me Jiaheng.”

“It’s your name, isn’t it?” He stepped into the dim light, and Joonmyun noted the clothes, dark and unnoticeable. He wasn’t meant to be seen, but Joonmyun caught him. As his eyes adjusted to the light, Joonmyun saw the bits and pieces, the parts of the puzzle that were coming together. The bag on the floor, piece by piece; the weapons and belongings tucked away; the clothes Yifan was wearing; he was leaving, and Joonmyun wasn’t supposed to see that.

“Go back to bed,” Joonmyun said, but his voice wasn’t cracking due to disuse or the complete opposite thereof. 

“Just go to sleep,” he said, closing his bag with indignation, finality in his brisk movements. _There was no turning back._

“Why?” He was blindsided, betrayed. Joonmyun had no clue; he wasn’t privy of everything going on in his partner’s mind. Looking back now, maybe he should have seen the signs: that soft smile Yifan gave him as they walked back to their hotel room; the gentleness in his movements, like he was afraid of the moment, or perhaps he was soaking it all in to remember in the long haul; that kiss against the back of his neck; the arms wrapped around his waist even though it was much too warm to be craving physical contact like this.

“I can’t explain it. I just can’t stay.”

Joonmyun didn’t see the signs because he was always spoiled. He didn’t see it because Yifan was always like that, always sweet, always caring, always treating Joonmyun like he was more than a quick, convenient fuck. But Joonmyun was blind, or at least he chose to be, and he saw Yifan as only that. It was fear that drove him to end up like this: fear of staying, fear of loving. Emotions like those only left people behind, forced everyone else to revolve around whoever was selfish enough to think that their love allowed them to be blind to the rest of the world. Though he hated this concept of love, he was selfish in his own way.

Yifan deserved to stay, but Joonmyun didn’t deserve to have him.

Joonmyun met his eyes once, but they couldn’t stay there for much longer. The brokenness in Yifan’s eyes was enough to make Joonmyun outright beg for him to stay, but he had to be stronger than that. He had to be who he said he was, the man who everyone knew him to be.

“Who else is going then? Are you all leaving?” He wanted to add _me_ to the end of that, but he wasn’t that weak. Or he was, but Yifan didn’t need to know that.

“Lu Han and I are going. Some of the others know. They can follow if they want to, but I know they won’t. You’ve always been more of a leader than I was.” Yifan sat beside him, filling up the spaces that he vacated when he packed his bags and started to leave Joonmyun behind. Their hands brushed; it felt reflexive for Joonmyun to pull away. But he didn’t, and instead, he grabbed Yifan’s fingers, allowing him the satisfaction of having this moment for once. He wished he did this long ago; the feeling of Yifan holding him, even in the smallest of gestures, gave a warmth, a comfort that Joonmyun knew he wouldn’t feel anywhere else. Only with Yifan could he have this, but the winds are shifting, and Yifan’s being taken away from him.

“Is it me?” His voice cracked. _Pathetic,_ he told himself.

“What?”

“Is it because I’m a terrible human being who doesn’t know how to properly show that I—” He squeezed Yifan’s hand, arguing within himself if he should hold his face, look into his eyes and finally say it. But he only looked deep into the stitches on their bed, searching for an answer within the pattern. “I care for you. I care in such greatness and intensity that I can’t describe it, and a simple word certainly can’t encompass it all. I can’t even show it, I can’t—”

“Stop.” Yifan stood up. “It’s not you. I have… my own reasons to go, and I have to go now.”

Joonmyun tries to imagine Yifan’s voice cracking, his eyes watering as he struggled to come to terms with what he was doing. But Yifan’s voice was steady, and he knew what he was doing; it was just Joonmyun who was losing himself, losing bits and pieces of his composure as the realization of losing his half was dawning on him.

He gathered his wits, standing by the window, feeling the eyes on his naked body as he tried to be the perfect image of reluctance for Yifan. He wanted to be remembered by Yifan, not as someone in his past, but as someone who he would always regret leaving behind. “Then go. I only wish you the best.”

Joonmyun heard footsteps, soft against the carpeted flooring of their shared hotel room, soon to be the hotel room that Joonmyun would remember as the opening of the void in his heart. _Don’t leave me. Don’t make me feel this empty for the rest of my life._

Yifan hugged him from behind, arms around his waist much like last night. He rested his chin on his shoulder, pressing a kiss on the skin behind his ear. “I love you,” he said, and Joonmyun didn’t have to imagine his voice cracking this time because the vulnerability was right there, “and I will regret this, I know.”

And then he was gone.

Joonmyun didn’t wallow in self-pity as much as he expected himself to. Alcohol wasn’t the answer, and it wouldn’t change anything. Zitao left first. Then Yixing. Then Minseok. Then Jongdae. Half of the team, gone just like that. Yifan and Lu Han weren’t to blame; they just served as the catalyst to a change that was meant to happen anyway.

Time grew kinder to Joonmyun, and they finally had time to breathe, to recover and lick their wounds after the split. The ones who stayed would stay for as long as they could, and there was no turning back, true for both sides.

Joonmyun left his room for the first time in a few days, walking up to the rest of them huddled over dinner. He lost weight, reflective of all the pieces of himself he watched exit those doors before he finally had enough. “We’re leaving Earth. Pack up your things; I’ll get the ship prepped for interplanetary travel.”

No questions, no doubts. It was only a matter of time before they grew sick of Earth, of the people wrapped up in their own problems to see the danger present everywhere else. _Off they went, without anything tying them down to a place that never truly felt like home._

✈

_2814;_

The fluorescent lights of Flux aren’t as flattering as Joonmyun would want them to be. He finishes his drink, dropping the glass with a clink against the clear table. His eyes wander around the club, and he leaves his tip under the glass when he spots the flash of blue hair across the club. He’s hypersensitive to the pistol pressed against his ribs, buried in the folds of his space-casual attire. Joonmyun’s feeling a little trigger-happy tonight, and no one doubts his ability to wipe out everyone in a close-range setting without even a scratch on his well-tailored suit, not after a particularly… _memorable_ mission back on their days in Earth.

But he has no intention of stealing the spotlight from Chanyeol tonight, and his only task is to lure her in, trap her until she’s only a mess of brains and blood against a wall. Well, if everything goes according to plan, that is.

Joonmyun feels a little more handsome than usual—probably an after-effect of the two glasses of whatever purple liquor that bartender gave him—and with a gentleman’s flourish, he turns on his mic and approaches the blue-haired girl. She eyes him warily, as she should, but his cheeks have a gentle flush and his steps have an exaggerated stumble to add to the effect, and she doesn’t see him as a threat.

 _If only you knew,_ he thinks to himself. As he walks closer to her, parting the crowd as they make eye contact, Joonmyun watches her steel herself, but that’s not going to work on him.

“Hi,” he says, although he knows he could have started out a lot stronger than that.

“Hi.” She’s a lot prettier up close, and he feels sorry for having to take out an attractive woman in the prime of her life. “Look,” and she rolls her eyes right away, “I’m not interested.”

_That was direct._

“Uh, I know I sound desperate here, but might I know why?”

She swings her legs around as she shifts on the bar stool she’s occupying. “I like girls.”

_Damn. There’s no way I can crack this nut. Or, uh, crack one of my own, even if that wasn’t exactly part of the original mission plan._

Joonmyun licks his lips, a bad habit he should have curbed long ago. “And to that I say fun is fun, no matter what you’re playing with, so…?” Joonmyun smiles nervously, hoping this ridiculous attempt would get this job done as soon as possible. She laughs, and in an instant, she leaves her payment under her half-empty glass and stands beside Joonmyun. He kisses her ear as they walk out of the bar, just to pay courtesy before his friend shoots her brains out.

She doesn’t question why he walks through the clichéd dark alleyway instead of going to the rapid transits, but that’s probably because she doesn’t get a chance to before he has her pinned against the wall as soon as they’re alone. Joonmyun feels her scrambling for something to hold on to, and he grips her waist tightly as she claws down his arms.

 _“Whoa there, boss. You got some mad skills down there. Mind teaching me a few tricks sometime?”_ Baekhyun teases him through the earpiece, and Joonmyun barely muffles his snort as she ghosts her hand down his crotch. He’s enjoying this very much; it’s been a while since he’s had a kiss this rough, this needy without any hesitation whatsoever. Too bad she’s going to die soon.

 _“Okay, step back,”_ Joonmyun obliges, _“and enjoy the show.”_

She leans against the wall, lips beautifully red against her pale skin. Her eyes are dark with want, and Joonmyun smiles pitifully at her before they hear the distant sound of a gun being fired. There’s a bullet lodged in her skull before Joonmyun could even step back to avoid the splatter, and he cringes at the blood on his clothes and neck.

_“Check her vitals, please.”_

Joonmyun kneels down and presses his fingers against her neck. Nothing. “Target is cold. Good job, Phoenix.”

 _“Thanks boss,”_ Chanyeol says. _“You better get out of there fast though. Mighty Mouse is in charge of cleaning up for this one.”_

 _“For the seventh time, it is not_ Mighty Mouse _or whatever other ridiculous name you can think of,_ Fireball. _”_ Kyungsoo sounds pissed as usual.

_“I’ll have you know that Fireball was seriously in consideration when I first started out. D.O. isn’t even in the slightest bit creative.”_

_“Please shut up.”_

“I agree with D.O. on this one.” Joonmyun shakes his head and turns off his radio. Sometimes it feels like he’s taking care of all these people, but there is something comforting about their banter, about how they just don’t seem to have so much on their shoulders. It helps him to relax and so does walking away from the dead body and the blood on the wall as he heads towards their shared apartment in the Wards. Kyungsoo better get here fast. Joonmyun doesn’t have the stomach to see it any longer.

✈

The night always seems longer after a mission, and it takes him a while before he stops thinking of the expression on that blue-haired girl's face right before she was shot cleanly in the head. He doesn't keep track of how many they've killed in the past, how much they've stolen, whose lives they've destroyed. Those are thoughts for quiet nights when they finally have enough room to breathe before they jump into another mission. _Survival of the fittest,_ an old krogan he met once said, and they've proved themselves worthy of surviving without ever getting caught.

The universe is massive though, and one day, they’re going to expand their horizons, even if it involves crossing the galaxy on a bridge of blood and dead bodies. That is simply the nature of their work.

“Joonmyun,” Baekhyun peeks into the room, “we’re having dinner. Do you want ramyun or pizza?”

“Pizza,” he says, with the memory of a distant night in Italy, walking along the reconstructed canals as they shared a slice under the light of the moon and the lamps adorning the streets. It’s easy to say that those were good times, but perhaps it’s a memory he should classify under Never Again. There are many more memories in that giant cabinet of good things in his life, but it is simply the nature of his life to accept that good things rarely ever last for him.

“You, uh, okay?” Baekhyun knows that look better than anyone else in their team; hell, Joonmyun hates having to admit that Baekhyun knows him best among the others. Baekhyun is not at all compatible with Joonmyun, not with his stupid jokes and inappropriate behavior and casual attitude towards everything and everyone. Joonmyun had that side once, but good things rarely ever last for him.

They both suffered their losses in that time long ago, but Baekhyun finds it in himself to simply move on. Perhaps the reason why Joonmyun hates admitting that Baekhyun is his good friend is because he’s too jealous of Baekhyun’s resilience, of how easily he could pretend that he was perfectly fine. Sometimes though, he would go to Joonmyun’s room for a drink, and they would reminisce on the days when their team wasn’t split into half, when the laughter after a lame joke from Chanyeol would fill the entire mess hall with noise, when there were other people to warm their beds with them, spending long nights in lavish hotel rooms without a care for the rest of the world around them. That was their life before, but it was much too long ago.

Joonmyun snaps out of it. “I’m fine, Baekhyun. Tell me when the food’s here. I’ll check if we have any new clients.” Joonmyun smiles, the typical lie of his that would get him out of any situation. It’s the lie that says, ‘I’m fine! I don’t want to run away from reality at all right now!’ though that’s all Joonmyun could think of. The blue-haired girl smiles at him from across the room; he attempts to ignore how her eyes darken as she stares at him with a smile that contorts her face almost painfully.

“Whatever you say, boss. I’ve got no booze to bring up here for you later, if that’s what you’re thinking.” Baekhyun shrugs innocuously.

“I’m not in the mood tonight,” he turns his head towards him, “but thank you for the offer.”

“I _wasn’t_ offering, for your information.” Baekhyun smiles to himself and walks away, knowing that Joonmyun always cracks, and their talk is bound to happen eventually. Surprisingly, Baekhyun is always respectful at these times always aware of when to push harder and when to back off. He pushes when he knows Joonmyun’s about to crack; he knows it will only take a little more before he breaks down and he’d rather have it happen in a safe place. He backs off when he knows that it’s only going to cause a sore spot between them, and their relationship of silent codependence and mutual respect shouldn’t be ruined by something as stupid as that.

 _What they don’t know won’t hurt them,_ Joonmyun thinks as he scrolls through his datapad. A sum of five hundred thousand credits was just deposited into their account, the bounty for the blue-haired girl whose soul is still blankly staring at him from the corner.

“Go fuck yourself and hide in the closet where the rest of them are,” Joonmyun says to her, and he’s surprised to see that she’s already gone. It’s true; the ghosts that haunt him are all in his closet, like the monsters waiting for their prey to fall asleep. The monsters under his bed are more aggressive, attacking him with his loneliness and regret when he least expects it. They all wait in the darkness, lying dormant and sharpening their claws until Joonmyun himself decides to clean them out or crawl into the black hole of his own mind with them.

But Joonmyun always finds a way to justify his line of work. The blue-haired girl was a con artist, a master of selling asteroids to companies for a massive sum of money while promising millions and millions of credits for the mercenaries that were already there, attempting to mine an empty rock. She was as brilliant as she was stupid, falling for the little trap Joonmyun and the gang set to kill her. Really, a _dark alleyway?_ What kind of idiot doesn’t run away after being led right there?

Besides that, it also helped that three big corporations all wanted her dead. The higher the demand, the better the pay will be. It is simply the nature of their trade.

Some jobs are too easy for them to take. A break-in to steal a datapad of a rival political candidate? That’s a thing they could do even as teenagers with only steak knives as their weapons. An infiltration of the Citadel’s traffic system to allow some smuggled goods to pass by without notice? They could teach that to kids for two hundred credits per hour.

If the pay isn’t ridiculously high, they only take the ones with complexities that actually challenge them, force them to think and plan before they rush in and blow everything up anyway. It takes a tactical genius like Joonmyun with a team of men who understand his necessity in the group to make these things happen. Joonmyun is in command, staying at a vantage point where he can see everything; Baekhyun is their field leader, surprisingly, and he manipulates everyone with his biotics; Kyungsoo is always somewhere safe, hacking into systems and making sure that they never get caught; Chanyeol takes care of their long-range targets with his sniper rifle; Jongin takes point and handles any close-range targets that could pose a threat when they’re too close to the others; and Sehun is their all-around weapons specialist who’s as deadly with a butter knife as he is with a missile launcher. They work like a well-oiled machine, honed after all the years together, and this is why Joonmyun finds it so hard to let go of this side of his life. There are too many opportunities that they can’t waste, and he finally gets to explore the galaxy at his own pace.

He’s disrupted by a knock on the door. It’s Jongin, and he calls him out to have dinner with the rest of them. Joonmyun asks him to wait a bit as he cleans up, and Joonmyun hears the ghosts in his closet start riling up. They always hate it when he leaves, when he pretends that they’re not there and they’re not bothering him somehow. Oh, how they love the satisfaction of seeing him suffer.

✈

They’ve already gotten started before he even arrived. Of course. Baekhyun and Kyungsoo are on the couch, watching the Intergalactic News. The reporter drones on about the usual things: Sirta Foundation is in danger of shutting down due to an attack on one of their facilities a few years ago; an Alliance general’s death in a mysterious research lab is still under investigation, although the Alliance themselves say that it’s impossible to trace down the culprits who owned the lab in such a remote planet; a group of krogan females are attempting to rally against this classified medical foundation that could have found a cure for the genophage, but refused to release it for the public. Just the usual problems of the galaxy.

“Does this get any more boring? I’m starting to think the drama back on Earth was a lot more fun than this.” Baekhyun groans.

“True. Remember that time when most of our channels were down and we had to watch the celebrity channel for an entire day?” Kyungsoo shudders as he recalls it.

 _“God, when is she going to learn how to do my already obviously-lifted eyebrows right?”_ Baekhyun’s high-pitched voice is terrible, and everyone just nods at that horrible day of their lives. Joonmyun remembers spending an entire day in bed with Yifan just to drown out the feeling of his brain cells dying one by one as they drone on about their horribly shallow lives. At least it was a day well-spent or, perhaps, a day where he was thoroughly spent. Sometimes it’s nice to simply take a break from his mind and laugh with the rest of them, but he knows how they’ve noticed him spacing out a lot more often. He pays himself no mind, so they should too.

He stands, takes a slice to eat as he walks to his room, and says good night to everyone. The cold floors of their large apartment seem even more unwelcoming to the naked pads of his feet, and he rushes to close the door and crawl into bed. He locks the door with his omni-tool, remembering to put a password on it so no one disturbs him in the morning.

For a few hours, he stares at the ceiling, and a wistful haze blurs his eyes. To his left, he still sees the creases and the moonlight seeping through the curtains. He still reaches out and feels the traces of warmth lingering in spaces left vacant, and though four years have passed, no one will ever be able to occupy them the way he did.

Joonmyun doesn’t fall asleep anymore. He shuts down, part by part, until he returns to his husk of a human being, his true form.

✈

His datapad alerts him of a new message, light from the screen disturbing his already terrible sleep. Joonmyun rolls over, wanting to snooze it like an alarm, but something tells him to open his eyes and read it. He scrambles to hold on to it and not fall asleep as his body warms up again.

_“We will send you a transmission to your comm room. Do not ignore this.”_

No one, aside from their members, knows there’s a comm room. This is important.

Joonmyun rushes to slip on some decent clothes and sneaks out of his room, sticking to the shadows in case someone catches him. Light spilling from the living room alerts him of someone’s presence; luckily, it’s just Sehun messing around on his datapad.

The younger boy squints at the moving shadow and shines his torch at it. “Joonmyun? Why are you awake?”

“I was about to ask you the same thing.” Joonmyun brushes him off; sometimes there are things that need no explanation. This is not one of those things, but Joonmyun has no time for this. “Go on.”

Sehun doesn’t care, and Joonmyun appreciates that a lot from him. The comm room is only a few more doors away, and the unknown sender urges him to hurry before they change their mind. Their communications hub is in the room, and though it’s Kyungsoo who really knows how to operate it, Joonmyun learned enough from his quick movements to at least turn it on. He cleans up while he’s at it, not wanting to seem like a slob in front of a potential client.

Joonmyun knows that this is simply business; anyone who has to resources to send a transmission to a private communication hub clearly knows what they’re doing. He waits for the call and accepts it as soon as the monitor beeps.

What appears in their holographic platform is a middle-aged man on a lounge chair, smoking and drinking some sort of hard alcohol. He stares at Joonmyun with these artificial eyes, bright blue and haunting Joonmyun to the depths of his soul. In that instant, Joonmyun knows who he’s talking to.

_The Illusive Man._

“I assume you know me now, yes?” Joonmyun nods, not exactly ecstatic for whatever this dangerous man wants from him. “And I assume you know what I run?”

“Of course. You’re ruthless, dangerous, and deadly efficient.” Joonmyun smiles. “Cerberus.”

“Kim Joonmyun, I have to admit that I am a bit of a fan of yours.” The Illusive Man smiles, though Joonmyun can’t judge what’s behind it. “Your team is as ruthless, dangerous, and deadly efficient as my own organization. Can you imagine that? Something I spend years developing and growing finally has a competitor in how quickly it can make things happen: a group of six men. Fantastic.”

“I honestly don’t know where you’re going with this,” Joonmyun says because he knows there’s no point in pretending that he has the upper hand here, “and I’d prefer it if you went straight to the point.”

The Illusive Man chuckles. “Are you sure you want to know what I called you for?” His hologram is replaced by a figure that is so familiar to Joonmyun, _too_ familiar that he has to turn away before he starts showing weakness in front of a man that is willing to exploit anything against anyone should they get in his way.

“I thought so,” he says, and his image comes back on the platform. “Kris Wu. Calls himself Archangel in Omega. He and his team of vigilantes attack the gangs there, always trying to whittle down their defenses before he makes a big hit. His group’s fantastic, though I’m sure you already know that, and they’ve been doing well in Omega.” He takes a drag. “They were elusive for a while, but the three main gangs have teamed up for once just to take them out, especially Archangel.”

“And why are you telling me this? Do you want me to—to kill him?” Joonmyun stutters like a fool, and in his blind rage, his fingers ghost over the End Transmission button.

“Quite the opposite, actually.” A message is sent to his datapad. “That was me. I need him alive, and I want you to go in there with your own team and get him out. I sent you his files and anything you need to know about those mercenaries attempting to kill him. Your job is to get him out safely, whatever it takes.”

“And the others? What do we do about them?” Joonmyun closes his and attempts to recall the last time he saw them. He misses Minseok, their original pilot and the best one Joonmyun has ever seen; Lu Han, their client handler, the man who started it all; Yixing, their support shooter who taught Joonmyun how to be a proper medic during combat; Jongdae, their weapons specialist who spent most of his time in the cargo hold of their ship, upgrading whatever he could get his hands on; and Zitao, Jongin’s partner on the front lines. If Yifan is their priority, what’s going to happen to the rest of them?

“They are secondary. Save whom you can save, of course, but getting Archangel out alive is the most important part here.” The Illusive man refills his drink and puts down his cigarette. “So, tell me, are you taking the job?”

“I—” Joonmyun falters, knowing that he can’t just decide for everyone. He doesn’t know if they harbor resentment against the others, doesn’t know if they can be trusted with the lives of the very people that left behind long ago. What’s their obligation to care? “These aren’t decisions I can just make on my own. We discuss these things as a team, especially on a mission like this—”

“ _Especially_ on missions like this, you need to assert yourself as a leader,” The Illusive Man cocks his eyebrow, “unless I chose the wrong team, or more importantly, the wrong _man_ for the job? Is that what you’re trying to say?”

Joonmyun’s mind clears in that instant. “There is no one else in this galaxy that can save that man other than me with my team.”

“Then prove it.”

“I will.” Joonmyun ends the transmission, a burning resolve in his mind. This isn’t the way he wanted it to happen; their reunion was supposed to be when Joonmyun found himself in a happy place, not when he hasn’t changed at all from the man that Yifan left in that hotel room.

Joonmyun sighs, leaning against the wall. This isn’t how it’s supposed to happen. He slams his fist against the floor, and the cool surface jolts him awake, reminds him he’s still alive. He crawls over to grab his datapad and delete the transmission history from the terminal. What they don't know won't hurt them, at least until tomorrow morning when he's forced to brief them about all of this. This wasn't a decision he was supposed to make alone, and it's not going to be a secret he's going to keep alone.

✈

_2178;_

Joonmyun wasn’t exactly welcome inside the office. His father never wanted to see Joonmyun anywhere near the company that he built from the ground up. It’s true; Joonmyun wasn’t meant to be corporate leader, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t allowed to stop by the family business that raised him in the lap of luxury.

“Young master,” an assistant said, approaching him slowly, “what are you doing here?”

“I don’t know either. But look at this; someone paid for almost a squadron’s supply of pistols and submachine guns, and he’s just a twenty-one year old man. Doesn’t that sound fishy to you?”

“Well,” the assistant fidgeted, “it’s none of our business really. Our job is simply to sell and make sure they pay.” She played with her fingertips. “But we can take off the company logo just in case they get caught doing something illegal, and we won’t be tied to it… maybe.”

“It’s fine. Can I deliver this one? It’s just nearby, and—”

“Young master, no!” She was surprised by her own outburst. “Really. Your father said you shouldn’t touch a single thing related to this company, and you’re lucky you even got inside the building.” She recoiled when she saw the hurt on Joonmyun’s face. “And besides… it’s _dangerous._ You never know what that man is going to do with such a large supply of weaponry.”

Joonmyun shrugged her off and grabbed the keys of the delivery truck. “I’ve gotten biotic training since I was seven. I think I can handle this.” He started walking towards the garage, reviewing the coordinates on the delivery order. “If you get in trouble, just say I decided for myself. I don’t think my father can give any worse punishment than the treatment he’s always given me, so…” Joonmyun waves and runs to the truck.

Something about vehicles, fast and reckless, attracted Joonmyun so much. As soon as he stepped on the legal age, Joonmyun got a license to drive, and he spent most of his time away from home. Seoul’s streets gave him more comfort than the silence of the two-floor apartment his father bought for him, and he cared little for how unsafe his situation was.

The client’s address was in the older part of Seoul, before the massive reconstruction of the city once humanity finally saw the power of alien technology. Joonmyun knew he was walking into a bad situation, especially as the glass and lights receded and he walked into territory that was clearly not his own. This was a mistake. He was going to regret this greatly.

He arrived at the warehouse, pistol in his coat. If anything bad happened, he was ready for a fight. The entire street was silent, as expected from Old Seoul. Still, Joonmyun might as well risk his life, all or nothing.

Joonmyun knocked. Shakier than he had hoped, but really, who wouldn’t quiver at the pure silence in such an open street, deafening and hollow? The door opened a crack, almost hesitantly, and then a tall man came out towering over Joonmyun. He eyed the logo on the side of the truck, and then he looked down on Joonmyun.

“Your package is in there, uh,” Joonmyun looked at the information on the datapad, “Wu Yifan? Who buys guns with their real name anyway?”

“Who said it was my real name?” The tall man smirked and pulled out an envelope. “Here’s the payment.”

“Thank you, sign here.” Joonmyun observed him as the man filled out the payment form. He seemed entirely relaxed, as if he’s not hiding anything at all. Then again, Joonmyun didn’t know why he expected him to be more nervous. Nothing to hide, right?

Yifan looked at the truck. “Do you, uh, have anyone to help you out with those boxes?” Joonmyun groaned in his mind, only realizing at that moment that there was no way he could carry all of those, and using his biotics would give him a splitting headache. “I take that as my cue to help you out?”

“Yes please,” Joonmyun mumbled, and they walked to the back of the vehicle. Joonmyun was too lazy to find the code within the truck’s papers, so he blew it off with an electrical explosive from his omni-tool and pulled it open. He was greeted by the sight of boxes upon boxes, stacked high above one another. Really, Joonmyun should have thought this through.

“I don’t expect you to be a mere delivery man,” Yifan said, jumping into the truck and taking the box at the very top. Joonmyun stood by the edge, ready with a cart to help bring it inside. “You certainly look like one.”

“I’m Kim Joonmyun, the son of the man who made this company,” Joonmyun said, eyes blank as his voice betrayed no pride. What was there to be proud of when his father never acknowledged him as his own son anyway?

“Oh. Well, this is awkward.” Yifan squatted and gently dropped the package into Joonmyun’s arms. He hopped out of the truck and took the other side, stepping backwards to lead the way. “I didn’t even know he had a son.”

“Or even a family, right? Figures. Mom wasn’t really his wife; I wasn’t really his son. He had obligations to provide for us, but not to accept us or anything like that.” His expression changed minutely, from indifference to a simmering envy that he refused to show. He wasn’t jealous of the woman his father truly loved, the illegitimate son that he raised in love and affection instead of giving all of that to his firstborn. His love for his mistress left Joonmyun and his mother in the cold, but it was too late to care. “It’s no big deal.”

“I don’t know anything about family drama, sorry. I do know that it’s completely unnecessary, though.” Yifan shrugged, helping Joonmyun lift the box and drop it cleanly, disturbing the layer of dust on the ground. “Come on. We have, like, four more of these to carry.”

“Honestly, why do you even need so many guns? It’s suspicious enough to make me go all the way over here just to check it out.” Joonmyun started rolling the cart back.

“Most of them, I’m going to have to resell.” Yifan placed two boxes on the cart and ignored the way Joonmyun narrowed his eyes at him. “You asked me to be honest; here it is.”

Joonmyun chuckled. “It’s fine. The company can go bankrupt for all I care; I got what I wanted anyway.”

“And that being?”

“Five million credits in my own personal account, combat training, my own ship.” Yifan gaped at the last one.

“A ship? As in a yacht or…?”

Joonmyun leaned closer as he put down the two boxes. “A frigate,” he said, a smile growing as he remembered the only thing he wanted as a child: a way to escape. His father, being the materialistic man who cared so little about him, gave him everything he wanted. And Joonmyun couldn’t even complain about this one; he got a _starship._

Yifan whistled. “Geez, Joonmyun. I knew you were rich, but I didn’t know you were _that_ rich.”

“I’m in pilot school too.” Joonmyun went back to the truck and helped Yifan roll the last two into the warehouse. “I might as well, seeing as I’m going to be on that bad boy for the rest of my life once I’m free. Joonmyun smiled at the mere thought of it: living in space, doing whatever he wanted to do with his life, not having to care about anyone else, not having to face the people that would have lived a happier life if he was never even born.

“Maybe you can help us out…” Yifan muttered, and Joonmyun perked up at the sound of that.

“Help you with what?” Joonmyun raised his eyebrow. “Don’t lie to me, Yifan. What did you really buy these for?”

“I have friends, a lot like me, who want—who want to do things right. I don’t know how to say it without seeming like a band of kids trying to be superheroes.” Yifan kicked the dirt. “Don’t laugh.”

Joonmyun just smiled, pushing the cart back to the back of the truck and shutting it close. When he went back to Yifan in the doorway of the rickety, old place, he was looking at him defensively, waiting for Joonmyun to mock him.

“I’m not laughing. I’ve always wanted to do something different too, to make a difference somehow. I’m glad for you, even if there’s a high possibility that you’re just going to fail.” Joonmyun sighed. “I like your idealism.”

“Are you, uh, busy?” Do you want to come in and—I don’t even know where I’m going with this—” Yifan groaned at himself. “Come in?”

Now, Joonmyun could have decided to go home at that point. There was a possibility that this man was going to kill him or use him for a ransom to get some money off the company—though Joonmyun wasn’t sure if his father was going to jump to the rescue or leave him to die, as he had always wanted. Really though, going inside a near-stranger’s warehouse in an empty neighborhood on the old side of the city? Was Joonmyun really falling for this TV trope?

Apparently, Joonmyun didn’t care. He followed Yifan in, observing the rusting metal and wires and the holes in the roof. But it was a large open space with a living room and kitchen, even amidst the mess. Something about it attracted Joonmyun; maybe it was the mismatched furniture or the undying scent of rust that surrounded him. It was simple but cozy; Joonmyun liked it more than his own home.

“Is it too much for you? Not used to anyone not living in the lap of luxury like how you’ve been raised?” Yifan teased.

“Very funny.” Joonmyun took a seat on the couch, suppressing his need to sneeze. This was someone’s home; he didn’t want to offend him. “I actually like it.”

“Thank you. My friend did most of the decoration, even though it’s not quite evident.” Yifan walked over to the refrigerator. “Beer?”

“Don’t mind if I do.” Joonmyun glanced at his watch, but he had no intention of leaving. This seemed a lot more than what he was expecting, but it’s rare that he encountered someone from this side of life, and he didn’t feel like leaving just yet.

Joonmyun stared at the ground, but he felt Yifan’s gaze on him, tracing his features with the movement of his eyes. His lips twitched, wanting to shake away Yifan’s heavy stare.

“So where was this headed in the first place?” Joonmyun faced him, and Yifan’s eyes quickly darted back to his cup. The smaller man smiled and shook his head, finishing his drink. Beer was never his favorite, but he had to suck it up at the very least.

“I was serious about asking you to join us.” This time, Yifan looked at him differently; cold, tactical, with the tone of a businessman. He wanted to make a deal.

“And why would I accept that? What’s in it for me?”

“Well,” Yifan paused, “I can’t bribe you with earning money because you don’t need any more of it—”

“That’s true.” Joonmyun laughed at the scowl on Yifan’s face. “I’m sorry; proceed.”

“I’m guessing you have nothing to do with your life. This is different. It’s dangerous and risky and entirely stupid, but it seems fun. The question isn’t why, but you should ask yourself why not. What do you have to lose?”

Joonmyun smiled and shook his head. “You’re good at this.”

“Thank you,” Yifan said, and he looked entirely pleased with himself. “So? What’s it going to be?”

Joonmyun put down his cup on their ratty-looking coffee table. “I’ll give you a solid _maybe._ ”

Yifan only laughed. “I don’t know how solid your ‘maybe’ is, but drop by sometime. Even if it’s not to help us out or anything.” Joonmyun tilted his head, not really understanding what he meant by that. “Coffee, maybe?”

“Are you asking me out?” Joonmyun didn’t mean to sound entirely uninterested, but well… he wasn’t. Not in an actual relationship, that is. Yifan seemed like a good person, but this? It’s not going to work, and Joonmyun knew that.

“I just said coffee, geez. My friends might be here, so you could meet them. Maybe it’ll help you see our cause.” Yifan rolled his eyes, mirth in the way he reveled in Joonmyun’s embarrassment. What was his right to assume that Yifan was interested in him? Joonmyun was never going to hear the end of this.

He checked his watch, just to escape the awkwardness for a moment. “I should go.” _Even if I don’t want to._

“It was nice meeting you, Joonmyun.” They shook hands, and Yifan walked him out. Before Joonmyun hopped back into the truck, he ran back to Yifan and gave him something from his wallet. “What’s this?”

“My number. Call me, or find a way to contact me somehow.” Joonmyun squeezed his fingers. “I’m interested.”

Yifan raised his eyebrow and gave him a shit-eating grin. “In who?”

“In your _cause,_ idiot.” Joonmyun groaned as he walked backwards. “That was a one-time thing! It’s not going to happen again, Wu Yifan.”

“Sure, Kim Joonmyun.” Joonmyun liked how his name rolled off his tongue. “Stand by that.”

It took him a while to have the courage to come back, but Joonmyun regretted nothing from that. _Still, he wished he took that offer as soon as he could._

✈

_2184;_

Joonmyun wakes up to crick in his neck and a numb leg. His eyes remain closed, desperate to hang on to the threads of sleep keeping him from doing what he has to do. But there’s someone shaking him, and it takes a second for him to figure out who it is just by the sound of his voice.

“Joonmyun, wake up.” Baekhyun shakes him even harder, and Joonmyun groans and shoves him off. Joonmyun rushes to keep all the files and maps strewn on his table in panic, but Baekhyun places his hand on Joonmyun’s and pulls a seat beside him. “I’ve seen it. Where did you get that information?”

“The Illusive Man,” he whispers, and he quickly locks the door. “We were talking last night, and we need to save Yifan.”

“And why exactly did he choose us to do this? I’m sure Cerberus has enough people to do this themselves.”

“Because no one knows Yifan better than us.” Joonmyun wants to say _me,_ but he knows that he can’t make this a personal mission. As much as he wants to storm into Omega and tell Aria T’Loak herself to stop those damn goons from killing Yifan, he can’t. This—this isn’t _his_ mission; it’s his _team’s_. He can’t be selfish now.

“Look, Joonmyun. I know we can do this, but I don’t understand why you couldn’t have decided this with the team—”

“Baekhyun, I don’t know either!” Joonmyun screams, pushing himself off his chair as it falls on the floor. The sound of metal against metal makes Joonmyun despair even more, and the ghosts in his closet start laughing at him, dark, monstrous voices ringing in his ears. Joonmyun lets out a choked sob, kneeling on the floor. “I don’t know why I took the job. I don’t know why I still care about him being alive. I don’t know why I’m still doing this.” He leans against his bed. “But we’re doing it. We’re saving all of them.”

“Wait.” Baekhyun kneels in front of him, holding one of his cold hands. “Are you saying—”

“Yixing. Lu Han. Zitao. Minseok.” Joonmyun grips his arm. “Jongdae is still with him. They’re all with him.”

Baekhyun smiles, utter relief gracing his face. “He’s alive,” he says, breathy voice still in disbelief. “I thought—I thought he was gone. I thought they were all gone.”

“They were alive. I always, always felt them. But this time—” Joonmyun pulls Baekhyun down to his height. “This time we’re not going to let them go.”

“They need us.”

“We need them too.”

Joonmyun tilts his head back, eyes to the ceiling. All he can think about is Omega; it’s the symbol of danger, of risk, of throwing things to the wind as you struggle to make it out of the muck. He needs to get this mission over with; the sooner they’re done, the sooner he can see all of them. He wants to talk to Lu Han and Yixing about his thoughts and worries like they used to, wants to receive some of Minseok’s wisdom from experience, wants to dote over Zitao and how big of a baby he is, wants to laugh with Jongdae and forget how complicated their lives have been, wants to… be with Yifan.

That’s all he really wants. Joonmyun doesn’t care if they can’t reconnect and be how they were before, but he wants him in his life. He wants him to hold Joonmyun up whenever he’s doubting his ability as a leader, wants him to laugh whenever Joonmyun makes a mistake instead of allowing him to berate himself, wants him to smile at Joonmyun and stare at him like how he used to before. He misses the attention, the care, the way Yifan would treat him differently from the others. Yifan is special, and even now, Joonmyun doesn’t know how to express that.

“We’re doing this, Joonmyun.” Baekhyun grabs his clenched fist. “I’m behind you all the way.”

 _It feels nice to be believed in._ Joonmyun smiles. _I won’t betray that trust._

✈

_2179;_

It started with Las Vegas. It was strange, seeing people other than the company’s employees within the metal walls of the Aegis. Joonmyun found comfort in the noise, in the way these new people were filling up the halls with laughter and more terrible jokes.

Yifan first brought in his friends. Minseok was a great pilot, despite his lack of formal training, and Joonmyun liked him instantly, with his silent strength and the way Joonmyun could finally relax around someone. Lu Han was Yifan’s well-connected friend, and he begged Yixing, the neighborhood medic, to come with them.

Joonmyun had some connections of his own. There was Kyungsoo, who he met in flight school. Though he didn’t expect the quiet and almost unapproachable boy to join in this weird adventure with him, Kyungsoo was excellent at what he did, and Joonmyun needed someone to balance out the silence with him.

With Kyungsoo came Jongdae and Baekhyun, two friends he met in his local choir. Joonmyun didn’t understand why they were there in the beginning, but when he saw them in combat, he was surprised. Jongdae could work with any gun, upgrading it to maximize its use, and Baekhyun was a biotic to be feared. Though they were annoying most of the time, at least they knew when to stop. _Most_ of the time.

Lastly, there was Chanyeol. He was a mechanic that helped maintain the Aegis over the years, but when he saw the number of people Joonmyun brought with him and all their weapons, he knew there was something strange going on. Yifan initially thought of throwing him out of the airlock in the middle of a flight to get rid of him, but Joonmyun saw how badly he wanted to stay, to do something else other than calibrate engines and clean unmanned consoles to fill his time.

And with that, their team was complete, for the most part. Joonmyun and Yifan had to share a room, but they didn’t care. It was easier to communicate at least, not having to run all the way to the other side of the ship just to deliver a simple message. Kyungsoo and Minseok spent their days and nights in the cockpit; Baekhyun was their chief navigator; Jongdae was in the cargo hold, cleaning rifles; Lu Han and Yixing stayed in the med bay, doing nothing probably; and Chanyeol was in the engine room, watching the core do… well, nothing. This was their life for several weeks, and they didn’t really have a purpose until Lu Han finally got a job big enough to let them dock somewhere for more than two days.

“It’s supposedly a simple mission. There’s this big club in Las Vegas, very exclusive, and its owner has something against my friend that he wants secured as soon as possible. He wants someone to hack into that man’s computer to get that info and make sure no one can use it against him. He got us three passes with fake names, and I have to be part of the ground team,” Lu Han said. “Let’s plan.”

“Alright,” Joonmyun sat by the co-pilot, “Minseok, Kyungsoo, you two stay here and take care of the ship. If it’s possible, disable any surveillance cameras or communication devices, just enough for the ground team to get in and out. We need two people with tech skills to hack into that console as quickly as possible.”

“I’ll go.” Yifan stretched his arms. “I haven’t gone off the ship in a while.”

“Then I’m coming too.” Joonmyun shot him a knowing grin. “Can’t have you blubbering your way into getting caught.”

“Very funny, Kim Joonmyun.” He rolled his eyes. “The rest of you, dismissed. This is going to be quick and easy.”

Turns out, it was _not_ quick and easy. As soon as they stepped into that club, Joonmyun felt ten pairs of eyes watching him. _“Suho, surveillance has been compromised. You can worry a little less,”_ Kyungsoo said through the earpiece.

“Suho” is his ridiculous codename. Baekhyun thought it was necessary, seeing that they didn’t want to get caught with a radio tap or anything. Suho meant “guardian”, and that was what Joonmyun wanted to be for them. Then there were the more random ones, like “Xiumin” for Minseok or “Chen” for Jongdae; and the ones that made a little sense but kind of didn’t, like “Aether” for Baekhyun. They spent an entire dinner laughing about Kyungsoo’s lack of originality with “D.O.” and other stupid things regarding those dumb codenames. Ah, Joonmyun could only dream of how peaceful life was before Baekhyun joined their crew, but he did appreciate the laughter every now and then.

“Thank you,” he said under his breath, though he was sure Kyungsoo didn’t hear it past the ridiculous bass of the club’s music. Joonmyun had been to Vegas before, and he remembered his first casual fuck: auburn hair reaching until the small of her back, long eyelashes fanning against her cheekbones as she slept, and a star tattooed on her hipbone. Vegas was… very fun.

“Alright, I will get us a few drinks— _just a few_ —” Lu Han assured Joonmyun, “and then I’m going to start the operation, okay?”

“Please don’t get drunk.” Yifan stared at him with conviction, and the older male simply laughed him off and offered him a shot.

“This will buzz you just right. Now, Xiumin?” Lu Han discreetly pressed against his earpiece to hear well. “Guide them. Tell them what’s going on and lead the way.” He gave them a small wave and walked away, disappearing into the crowd with a confident strut.

_“Aye. Alright, you two, just relax by the side. Halla’s going to start talking soon, and that’s surely going to take a while.”_

_“Very funny.”_

Yifan and Joonmyun stood by a table, pretending to converse. Now, this would have been more fun if they did something, like perform a show, so Joonmyun leaned forward and locked eyes with him. Yifan knew this game, ran its course with several people before, but he certainly didn’t expect Joonmyun to be so game for it.

“I take it you’re enjoying this,” Yifan said as he turned off his intercom for a second. “I wouldn’t want them to use this against us in the future.”

“Turn it on. Safety purposes, at least.” Joonmyun’s eyes were burning excitement, and he knew how that would strike fear in most people’s hearts. Yifan, however, was never a man of the majority. Instead, he stepped closer, placed a hand on Joonmyun’s waist, and waited for him to make the next move.

“If we’re going to do this, don’t play coy. I’ve known you wanted me since that day when you thought I was asking you—”

“Please shut up. Let’s forget that ever happened.” Joonmyun laughed, leaning against Yifan’s chest just the slightest bit.

 _“Guys, you better move. There are several guards looking at you, and they’re starting to inch closer,”_ Minseok warned.

“Alright.” Joonmyun took Yifan’s hand and dragged him to the dance floor, ignoring how stupid they were going to look. “We’re going to regret this.”

“We definitely will.” Yifan smiled and pulled Joonmyun closer by the waist. “But if I’m going to embarrass myself, I’m glad it’s you who’s seeing it.”

 _“And us too.”_ Kyungsoo’s laugh was unrestrained through the crackle in the radio, and Joonmyun was tempted to turn it off right then and there. But he had other things to focus on, like the sensation of Yifan’s eyes raking over his features like how they did on that very first day, the tongue dragging over his lips, the hand snaking up his shirt. They barely drank anything, so this couldn’t be blamed on the alcohol. This was all on them.

Really, Joonmyun should have expected this. They spent weeks together in the same room, months together talking and planning and building their team. Then there were the moments in between, the stares, the smiles, and the thinly-veiled desire coursing straight between them. Joonmyun was a man with wants and needs, and it turned out that Yifan was a perfect fit for everything he wanted.

If they decided to properly talk about it, Yifan was the one who made the first big move. He was the one who pulled Joonmyun in, fingers in his hair, other hand on his ass. But Joonmyun was the one who kept it going, arms around Yifan’s neck, a thigh pressed against his crotch. Joonmyun was the spark, Yifan struck the match, and together, they were the forces that turned a small fire into a bright, burning blaze.

 _“Whoa guys, slow down a bit. They lost interest in you already.”_ Minseok started laughing. _“Actually, they’re gaining interest now. Relax! You look like you’re about to eat each other’s faces.”_

 _Damn, Yifan is good._ Joonmyun laughed against the skin on Yifan’s neck, breath coming out in short puffs. “Let’s go somewhere a bit more private, yeah?”

_“Good idea, Suho. It would be a little easier not having to watch you two practically hump each other in the middle of the—”_

“D.O, it would be a good idea for you to shut up before I go back to that ship and hit you myself,” Yifan said, and Joonmyun chuckled as he grabbed Yifan’s hand to pull him to the hallway that led to the owner’s office. It was easy to pretend that they were tipsy, and they didn’t know where they were going. Still, Yifan had a hand on his pistol at all times; better safe than sorry.

As soon as they were out of the public’s sight, Joonmyun let go of Yifan’s and, looking for the main office. They stuck to the shadows, seeing a few guards still walking around. When they turned a corner, Joonmyun saw only a flash of bright blue before he backed away, pressing himself against Yifan as a shield.

He radioed Kyungsoo. “They have armed Blue Suns guards here. Did you know about this?”

 _“No. Checking transaction records of the club.”_ Kyungsoo paused. _“None.”_

 _“But his personal account just hired them last week, around the time our client contacted us. He must have known someone was going after his blackmail,”_ Minseok said.

“Alright, is there any way we can deal with them without drawing our arms?” Yifan peered from the corner, looking at their surroundings. It was a short and narrow hallway; there wasn’t much space to maneuver in.

_“Sadly, you’re going to have to kill them. Just do it as quietly as possible.”_

Joonmyun sighed and tilted his head towards Yifan. “We go in there, distract them for a few seconds, and kill them at point-blank range. Agreed?”

“We don’t have much of a choice.” Yifan went in confidently, ignoring Joonmyun. The younger man chased after him, infuriated at his sudden entrance.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” His voice grew shrill at the sight of the mercs pulling out their weapons.

“Away from you.” He shook Joonmyun’s hand away, walking towards the two Blue Suns without hesitation.

One of them cocked his head to the side. “Your friend’s right. Where are you going?”

Yifan smiled, and it took them all a moment to realize that he already had his pistol against the man’s throat. He pulled the trigger just as Joonmyun shot his target.

“They seem a lot scarier when they’re alive, no?” Joonmyun laughed and started working on the door’s lock. “This is a retina scanner. Think we can fool it somehow?”

Yifan started dragging the two bodies into a nearby closet. “Come on, Suho. You can do this.”

“Of course I can.” His smile was ridiculously wide at a precarious situation, and he kneeled down to get as close to the scanner as possible. It looked hard to hack into, but Joonmyun already got experience from bypassing his way into his father’s office. All he had to do was project the key features that the device was looking for, and he got in so easily.

“I’ll stand as a guard.” Yifan brought out his pistol. “Go get that data.”

 _“Hurry,”_ Lu Han whispered into their comm link. _“I can’t keep these guys distracted for so long.”_

Joonmyun put on his gloves and booted the console. “You know, for a supposedly important guy, his office isn’t that well-guarded.” Joonmyun got into his files easily, and it seemed too easy. “I got the info. Should I plant a bug just in case we missed a copy?”

 _“Better safe than sorry. Do it fast. There are guards on the way to the office. I’ll start jamming some doors on their way.”_ Something about this operation was off from the very beginning; Minseok was trying his best to delay any further complications.

Joonmyun fixed a bug in the console, allowing them to access and edit the owner’s files as they pleased. Surely, this person wasn’t stupid enough to only have one copy of such incriminating information, right?

“Suho, we have to go,” Yifan said, cautious as he closed the door behind him. “We can’t go out through there; I can hear their footsteps closing in.”

“Alright, I’m done here.” Joonmyun turned off the console and made sure he left no prints; the discovery of a few measly traces of DNA would be the most pathetic way to be caught. “D.O, get us out of here.”

 _“There’s a loveseat against the wall. Behind it is a small panel leading to the ventilation ducts. I’ll guide you out, just get in there first.”_ Joonmyun pushed the couch forward, just enough for him to pull out the grating and slip into the shoot. Yifan followed suit, and Joonmyun helped him put the furniture back into place with his biotics. Hopefully, no one would notice until they were definitely safe from capture.

They crawled through the ducts, guided by Kyungsoo’s voice through their earpieces. Joonmyun sneezed halfway through, afraid that the vents would collapse, and they’d be caught in another pathetic manner. Really. That was one of Joonmyun’s ridiculous nightmares, and he certainly didn’t want to realize it.

With sheer desperation, Joonmyun pushed off the last grating in their way and stepped out into an alleyway, helping Yifan down as they meet Lu Han by the entrance. “Hey,” he said, staring at the two and their slightly dusty clothes. “Rough night?”

“Let’s get the hell out of here.” Joonmyun sneezed again, and he walked along the cars parked by the streets, looking for a familiar face.

Jongdae rolled down his windows. “Hop in. Kyungsoo told me they already got into the office but they haven’t found anything against you yet.”

Joonmyun sat at the back, scooting away as Yifan slipped in beside him. He felt every inch of his arm pressing against his, the warmth of his skin as they were crammed together like that. Briefly, he went back to that moment on the dance floor: the taste of Yifan’s lips, the curve of his body against his, the lump in his throat as he struggled to resist the urge to drag Yifan into the nearest empty restroom stall and get his brains fucked out.

Yifan felt the same way; Joonmyun knew that. He wasn’t going to let this opportunity pass.

So they stood there, in the middle of their shared bedroom, door locked behind them. Joonmyun enjoyed the tension, the way they played the game with only their eyes and a quirk of their lips. 

Joonmyun taunted him, stripping off his shirt as they usually did after a long day. It was normal, expected even, but Yifan licked his lips, eyes on the milky skin of his pale chest. Then it was Yifan’s turn: his shirt off and his hands on his belt, waiting for Joonmyun to do something.

“Go on,” he said, leaning back against the wall.

Joonmyun had his arms around his neck in a heartbeat, lips crashing against his. They were laughing, stripping off their clothes as they struggled to satisfy their need to touch, to kiss, to hold. 

He had to admit: it had been a while since Joonmyun felt the touch of another. It had been a while since he had someone this close to him, lips on his hip, hands on his thighs. It had been a while since he felt this good, felt this warm, felt this wanted and desired. Joonmyun missed this feeling, and for once, he wasn’t afraid to stay the night, to relax in someone’s arms, since it didn’t mean anything to him anyway.

Joonmyun woke up in a tangle of sore limbs and a warm presence invading his senses. Yifan was still asleep, mouth agape as he snored softly. Joonmyun tried to imagine what it would be like if they were in a proper room, sunlight streaming in through the gaps in the curtains, casting shadows all over the room. Maybe Joonmyun would have a better sight of Yifan’s perfect face, of his sharp jaw and soft lips. Maybe Joonmyun wouldn’t be able to get out of bed and he would just wait for Yifan to rouse and smile at him, but that wasn’t the case that day.

Joonmyun got up and showered, and everything was falling back to its old place. Except Yifan had Joonmyun pressed against the nearest surface as soon as he opened the door. He held him gently, lips meeting in slow kiss, just a taste of what they had the night before.

“Back to Korea?” said Joonmyun, breathless as he fixed his clothes.

“Lu Han said our client had a few words for us; they’re having a meeting in the comm room. I need to take a shower.

Joonmyun scrunched his nose. “I agree.” Yifan laughed, shoving him away. “I only speak the truth!”

He was about to leave when Yifan grabbed his wrist and pulled him back. “Yeah?” Yifan looked at him intently, searching for something, although he didn’t know what. “Is there something wrong?”

And though Yifan said nothing, only letting him go as he smiled and walked away, Joonmyun felt like he was missing the point, like he was doing something wrong.

The others teased and laughed at him, and yes, it was perfectly fine this way. But even as their client praised them for a job well done, something about the look in Yifan’s eyes stuck to him. _Maybe because he saw that spark in his eyes, and he did the one thing that tested its ability to shine: to completely ignore it._

✈

_2184;_

There’s peace in the way they move, how they’ve kept up this image of normality even amongst themselves. Joonmyun finds it difficult to sit there and keep up with their pretty façade.

He knows how they’ll react. Someone will pretend not to care, but they actually want to do it. Sehun, probably. Some will pretend to be outraged, refuse to cooperate as a show of rebellion. In the end, the team will always be complete. Chanyeol would. Then some will just follow because they know that a mission is a mission, and they can't let their personal opinions and emotions stop them from earning money at the end of the day. Kyungsoo and Jongin have always been professional, and Joonmyun appreciates that.

Joonmyun knows he’s another type, the one that would jump on this mission and work too hard and do everything he can to make it succeed. His hands itch to hold Yifan’s again; his lips long to feel warmth again. And in him, in that tiny little corner of his mind, he wants to know that Yifan is safe and alive, and nothing’s going to break them apart again. That’s all Joonmyun’s asking for. He just wants... him.

“We have a mission,” he says, and his voice cracks with the gravity of this situation. Their façade cracks, and everyone takes a seat because Joonmyun is rarely ever this somber. Joonmyun attempts to claw past his own fear and reach for the confident leader image that he’s always tried to project, but it’s not working out for him. In the end, Joonmyun sucks it up.

“It’s a critical mission, and I need your full cooperation on this one.” Everyone nods out of formality. Joonmyun takes a deep breath. “We need to save Yifan.”

Silence so far. That’s good, much better than what Joonmyun expected. “I recently got info about him from our client—”

“Which is who?” asks Kyungsoo.

“Cerberus.” The word inspires complete silence. It’s a threat in itself; they need to get this done, and they need it done right. “Yifan’s in Omega, acting as some sort of vigilante against the mercenary groups there. Recently, they got him to hole up in his base while the attacked him relentlessly.”

“Are the others still with them?” Sehun’s voice is quiet, worried. Joonmyun remembers the times he’d catch him with Zitao in the engine room, staring at how the core would emit this beautiful energy field and light up the childlike spark in their eyes. Zitao is Sehun’s best friend, even over Jongin sometimes, and Joonmyun knows how much Yifan loved Zitao too. He’s in good hands.

“They are. But the real goal here is to save Yifan. Cerberus needs to recruit him for a special purpose, and they can’t send their own people there because Yifan wouldn’t willingly come with them, even if they saved his life.”

“And what makes you think he’d come with us?” Kyungsoo sighs. “He left so easily in the fir—”

 _“Look,”_ Joonmyun takes a deep breath, “I understand if you’re apprehensive. Just remember that this is a job, a job with a client that we do not want to disappoint. This is a job we cannot refuse, and we can’t afford to be unprofessional here.”

“Look who’s talking.” Chanyeol stands up, unimpressed with whatever bullshit Joonmyun is spewing. “You only want to save him because you were in love.”

Joonmyun groans, not wanting to deal with _that_ problem right now. “It’s not because we were personally involved. I took the job because the pay was too good to be true, and I’m willing to jump on that. The Illusive Man himself talked to me. I couldn’t refuse.”

Chanyeol shakes his head. “Sorry, Joonmyun. I can’t do this. I just can’t.” He walks out of the dining area and into his room, leaving the rest of them frustrated in his wake.

“Is there anyone else who wants to back out?” Joonmyun looks at each and every one of them because he wants them to try. He wants them to tell him straight to his face that they’re willing to leave him on this mission, and they don’t care if their old friends die there because they deserve it anyway. “We’re good then.”

“I think we should start with a map of the area. Knowing the landscape will help us plan our route.” Baekhyun clears the dining table and places his datapad right on the center. Kyungsoo projects the figure of the map and its 3D diagram. “How are we going to get in?”

“Based on this, there’s no safe way but the path that all the gangs are going to use. This is his base, right?” Kyungsoo zooms into it and sees an alternate tunnel path, but it’s blocked. “Yifan must have locked it himself; it would be a big vulnerability if there were more ways than one to get close to him.”

“We might need to conceal ourselves, pretend we’re freelancers.” Joonmyun hums his approval. “I bet they’re so desperate to get rid of him, they’re willing to ask anyone to join the force.”

“That would make sense.” Sehun takes the datapad and looks for the files on the individual mercenary groups. “So, Eclipse is known for their biotics and weapons.”

“They also have a supply of mechs,” adds Jongin, “and the YMIRs are a force to be reckoned with.”

Baekhyun nods. “We’ve faced one before. I’m sure we can make it through another one.” He smiles. “The Blue Suns is organized, efficient, and a whole lot smarter than the others. If we have to really worry about any of those three, it’s them.”

“And the Blood Pack is ruthless and extremely deadly. I’m not even excited to face those Vorchas.” Joonmyun shudders. “We need to discuss equipment and duties.”

“Clearly, I stay behind.” Everyone nods at Kyungsoo. “Chanyeol’s with me regardless of his decision, and the rest of you are down there.”

“I’ll be the field leader for this one,” Joonmyun says, and it takes a lot of restraint for Baekhyun to hold himself back from stopping him. Joonmyun narrows his eyes at their hesitation. “What? What makes me incompetent to lead this group now?”

“We can’t let this become personal.” Kyungsoo paces his words to calm Joonmyun down. “Your feelings… they might get in the way of the mission. We all know that’s the worst case scenario.”

“They won’t. I just want to be the field leader this time; it’s no big deal.”

The rest of them look at each other, unsure whether or not they could trust Joonmyun on this. Baekhyun, with his mighty courage, places a hand on Joonmyun’s shoulder. “You don’t need to. I’ll take point. No one wants to rush into a battlefield in a panic, and as much as _we do trust you,_ the possibility is there.”

“Don’t take this personally, Joonmyun. You’re still our leader no matter what.” Jongin means well. They all mean well, Joonmyun tells himself. But this feels like his personal mission too. This feels more like a mission for him to finally feel closure, but he can’t tell them that. He can’t tell them that if they didn’t spend this time planning, he would have rushed to Omega as soon as he can and ran to Yifan’s aid anyway. He’s irrational and weak and a huge hypocrite, but _it’s all for the mission._

Joonmyun tells himself that. It’s all for the mission, and he’s willing to sacrifice a part of his sanity for this.

“Kyungsoo, let’s warm-up the Aegis early tomorrow morning. Omega is far from the Citadel, and we need to plan our course.”

Kyungsoo smirks and punches his arm. “Let’s do this.”

✈

“She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” Joonmyun runs his fingers through Aegis’s controls and smiles. “It’s been too long.”

“You sound like someone who hasn’t gotten laid in a long while,” Kyungsoo murmurs as he takes the pilot’s seat.

“Not so far from the truth though,” Baekhyun says from the navigator’s seat. Joonmyun flicks his forehead.

“Very funny, Baekhyun. So _clever,_ seeing that you haven’t gotten any more than I have.” Joonmyun smiles at him with wicked poison in his eyes, and Baekhyun doesn’t even attempt to counter that. “Now, let’s begin.”

Joonmyun turns on the intercom. “Alright, kids, do you have your things with you?”

“Yeah, we’re good.” Sehun tosses his bag on Jongin’s bag and walks towards Joonmyun, tilting his head at the look on Joonmyun’s face. “You, uh, need something?” 

“Is Chanyeol onboard?” he whispers, turning off the intercom.

“Hiding in the ship’s engine room.”

Joonmyun lets him go. “Kyungsoo, get this party started. We’ve got clearance to fly.” Kyungsoo nods and starts contacting Citadel Control again. “Baekhyun, make sure we arrive at Omega as quickly as possible. No detours to get drunk, _are we clear?_ ”

“I can feel your faith in me, Joonmyun.” Baekhyun wipes a fake tear from his eye. “I’m so touched.”

Joonmyun hits the nape of his neck and laughs as Baekhyun huffs at him. Jongin nods at Joonmyun as he passes by the sleeping pods, and Jongin probably wants to get as much rest as possible before Joonmyun forces him to take watch while the rest of them sleep.

He’s in the elevator with Sehun, humming to himself as Sehun watches something on his datapad. Joonmyun sneaks a peek and recognizes an old video they took when their team was complete, and he smiles when he sees Zitao and Baekhyun playing a prank on Jongdae while he was asleep. Sehun shuts it off and releases a breath, turning his head slightly towards Joonmyun. There’s something in his eyes, _vulnerability,_ a crack in the mask he’s put on after they all got separated.

Sehun is their youngest member, the one Joonmyun’s been taking care of from the moment they discovered the three kids on the streets of New York. They were running from gangs together, stealing and beating up anyone who got in their way. Yixing found Jongin with a gash on his leg, and the other two protected him with understandable ferocity, just in case Yixing was actually working for the men out to kill them. Jongin, however, trusted Yixing enough to let him take care of them until he could get back on his feet.

“Joonmyun,” Sehun mutters, voice cracking in various places. It’s strange; Joonmyun finds himself hugging the younger boy even after the elevator reaches its destination.

Their first time on the Aegis was strange; Yixing knew they needed help and were skilled enough to survive the streets, so he took them in without Yifan’s or Joonmyun’s permission. The two were infuriated, of course, but they proved themselves worthy of trust when a gang attempted to kill Yixing for assisting them. The three chased Yixing down and got him home before anyone else noticed they were gone. Joonmyun took them in officially after that, and that was it. With time, effort, and a lot of ridiculous laughter, they became part of the family.

“Just talk to me if you need anything.” Joonmyun lets him go, squeezing his arm as they part. Sehun hugs him again then walks to his station, picking out the rifles he has yet to clean. Perhaps the reason why Sehun is Joonmyun’s favorite person to be around sometimes is because of his silence, the withdrawn way he looks at everything and everyone. A pang of regret hits Joonmyun; he remembers how lively Sehun once was, acting like his true childlike self. But he matured far faster than anyone Joonmyun’s ever known, and Sehun lost the child in him. That doesn’t stop anyone from still treating him like one though.

Joonmyun shakes his head when he sees that Chanyeol locked the doors of the engine room. He must have thought it would work, but in mere seconds, Joonmyun overrides the lock command and opens the door quietly. Chanyeol is sitting on the floor, staring at the drive core with his things strewn all around him. He’s a mess, but aren’t they all?

He doesn’t say anything. Chanyeol must have felt his presence by now, but they don’t pay attention to each other. Joonmyun leans against the ledge, cold metal digging through his back and searing his skin. It keeps him grounded while he slowly feels himself drifting to sleep.

“Joonmyun,” Chanyeol turns towards him, “listen to me.”

He smiles, walking slowly to take a seat beside him. “Go.”

“I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do either. It’s like I’m angry at him, angry at all of them, for leaving us so suddenly. It’s funny; you think I would have gotten over it by now, but it’s difficult. You guys took me in at the loneliest phase in my life. I was desperate to survive, and you finally gave me the kick I needed to truly live. And then one of my closest friends here left, and he took half of us with him.

“What was I supposed to feel, Joonmyun? Acceptance, just like that? It sounds so easy to forgive, but I guess I’m not strong enough for that. For once, I was part of something greater than just myself, and though we weren’t noble people or anything, I felt a sense of purpose with every job we took. I feel like… when they left, they took a bit of that with them too. They were family, and when your family leaves you like that, it’s hard to simply accept and move on.”

Joonmyun peers at him, noting the dark bags underneath his eyes and the complete emptiness in those orbs. “You don’t want to help them.” Chanyeol raises his head. “You want them to suffer as much as you have. That’s all there is to it, right Chanyeol?”

“No!” He slams his fist against the metal floor, sound resonating through the room. “I’m not that cruel. I want them to live. I want them to come back.”

“Then what’s the real problem here?”

Chanyeol runs his fingers through his hair, groaning and kicking. “I honestly don’t know. I’m going to help, I guess. I just feel like… it’s going to take me a while before I really put myself into this.”

Joonmyun places his hand on Chanyeol’s fist, determination gleaming in his orbs. “We’re doing this.”

“We are.”

Joonmyun retreats, scooting backwards to give him more space to breathe. He got what he came for, but it’s rare that they have the time to talk like this. Over the years, Joonmyun has felt less and less like a leader and more like a boss, simply telling them what to do and who they’re doing it for. He cares about these boys— _men,_ really—but he doesn’t know how to show it anymore.

“You know, we weren’t the only ones hurting when they left.” Joonmyun recalls an e-mail Minseok sent him a few months after the split. “Don’t you think it was hard for them too? We’ve been together for a few years, and we’ve watched each other grow into new people in such a short amount of time. We were family to them as much as they were to us, so it’s unfair to act like we’re the only ones who went through that pain when they must have had their own regrets too.”

“Of course I know that.” Chanyeol plays with the thread on the hem of his shirt. “That’s why I feel so terribly for still being upset.”

“Let’s just remember what was good, the reasons why we called ourselves a family. That’s what kept me sane all those years, and I knew that they didn’t leave because of us. They left because they had their own mission to fulfill, and I guess it’s better for our paths to fork than for us to keep going together without a true destination in mind.”

✈

_2180;_

To Joonmyun,

I'm making this fast since I don't have much time on the extranet nowadays. How are you? I know this is so sudden; you're probably still upset at us. I understand your side. It's okay to be mad.

I can't really tell you what we're doing because there's not much to say. We're trying to find a place to settle for a while, to get ourselves together and figure everything out. I can tell you that Zitao's been really broken up about this, and he misses you a lot. Yixing and Lu Han are their usual selves, but I see right through them. You can't see that sparkle in their eyes anymore. And Jongdae's really quiet now. That's probably the strangest change to happen yet.

I spend most of my time thinking about you guys. I guess it's weird. I'm the eldest here; I should stop acting like a lost sheep, which is what we all are, to be honest. I miss you all. I miss all of the stupid and crazy things we usually do, or at least the younger ones since they have too much time on their hands and nothing smart to use it for. That's probably the dumbest thing to miss, but I guess I just want to go back to the happier times. Everything and everyone has this layer of grey over it; it feels like we're being smothered by our own sadness.

You want to know about Yifan, don't you? I should probably tease you more since I know you're always going to deny how much you love him. It's okay; he feels the same way. Yifan's more tired than ever, and it's probably because there's no one to shoulder the burden with him. You two were the best pair, and you made each other happy even without noticing or paying attention to it. I'm sure he attempted to contact you several times already, but he's as terrified as I am while I'm writing this. The difference between the two of us is that I'm willing to overcome my fear because I can feel your worry all the way from here.

Yifan misses you. Sometimes Yifan and I, with Lu Han sometimes, hole up in a room and talk about these things. He's still a terrible lightweight, and he talks about you most of the time. I don't know if you noticed, but the hardest part about leaving for him was leaving you. I don't want to guilt trip you or anything but... really, how could you not have noticed? He would have done anything for you to come with him, Joonmyun. Anything. But I guess he got past his selfishness and realized that the others needed you more than he did.

I guess that's all for now. I want to tell you more things in the future, but only if you still want to know. If you don't, I'll respect that. The split happened, and it's okay for you to want to keep it that way.

Just reply to me when you receive this if you still want to keep in touch. Trust me, everyone wants to know how you guys are as well.

— Minseok

 

_Joonmyun didn't reply._

✈

_2184;_

Omega is loud and bright, and it smells terrible to boot. An injured batarian is leaning against the wall, slowly bleeding to death. Joonmyun pays him no mind. It’s survival of the fittest here, and if you can’t handle the danger, then you have no place in Omega.

Perhaps from the very beginning, this should have been their home. Omega is like a dirtier, uglier, and deadlier version of Vegas, and it’s crawling with aliens of all kinds, selling booze and illegal drugs to anyone who passes by. Joonmyun scrunches his nose at the smell, and he promptly turns away from the vorcha hissing at him.

“Alright, boys,” he turns to face the rest of them, all wide-eyed and amazed at how quickly they can die here, “orders for tonight: have fun. Get drunk, get laid,” Baekhyun coughs, “and get used to this place.” Joonmyun sees a splatter of dark blue blood on a krogan’s back. “And take care of yourselves. Please.”

“Will do.” Baekhyun smiles at him sweetly before he grabs Chanyeol and Kyungsoo and runs towards Afterlife. Sehun and Jongin point at the marketplace, and Joonmyun nods his assent. He follows the other three in hopes of getting some work done too.

Joonmyun opens the door to the main area of the club and exhales at the sight of sweat-slicked bodies dancing on top of a huge stage, illuminated by the bright screen behind them. Chanyeol and Baekhyun rush to the bar, leaving Kyungsoo sighing as he trails after them with his head in his hands.

He notices her watching him from above, and he flashes a smile at her form the entrance. There lies Aria T’Loak, pirate queen of Omega, though that isn’t exactly the most accurate way of saying it. She runs the place, though there is no way to control this massive hive of death and danger. But she is Omega, and Omega is Aria T’Loak. There’s no denying it.

Her guard signals Joonmyun to come on up and speak to her. Joonmyun approaches her area, eyeing the guards and how they observe him back. They scan him, and at this point, Joonmyun’s just annoyed.

“I’m clearly not hiding any weapons,” he says, crossing his arms before his chest. Aria nods and motions for him to sit down across her.

“So what can I do for the son of the man who gives people the method to kill, hm? Is he asking for a favor again, or is he tired of his little guns racket? Decided to come clean and finally say that he’s been supplying the Eclipse mercs for decades now?” Aria rolls her eyes. “Bring it on, _Kim Joonmyun._ ”

“I’m here for Archangel.”

She laughs at him, grabbing her glass from the seat beside her without grace and drinking it all in one go. “You and half of Omega, if you haven’t heard. What’s your deal with the guy? I’m sure you’re not in it for the flimsy money they’re offering.”

“It’s personal. Just needed any info I can get before I pursue him.” Joonmyun groans in his mind, cringing at his choice of words. _Pursue him? Really?_

“Alright. There’s a side room here that they’re using to recruit any freelancers that want a few extra credits. You’ll probably seem over-prepared if you come in with full gear, but they’re asking for the help. Might as well give it to ‘em.”

“Thanks.” Joonmyun stands. “I’ll let you know when I got him back.”

“Just don’t cause too much of a mess. I wouldn’t want to lose too many pawns.” The smile on her face is calculating and cold, and Joonmyun feels like he can find a friend in her. Something about her casual demeanor yet deadly undertones threatens and excites him all at once. Exhilarating. Everything about this place gives Joonmyun an extra kick to move forward.

Joonmyun walks to the bar, orders a drink, and attempts to tune out the loud noise enveloping him. Only now does he truly appreciate the silence of his own mind, though he can’t really tap into that depth at the moment. The alcohol burns down his throat, but it leaves a warm feeling in his chest. It’s nice. Two drinks down, and Joonmyun only starting to get excitable.

“What’s a hot guy like you doing in a place like this?”

Joonmyun scoffs, wanting to reply with a “fuck you” and maybe a middle finger for added effect, but he stops himself when he sees how ridiculously hot this man is. Joonmyun swears, biting his lip and leaning a bit closer to the tall stranger. He’s going to have to live dangerous.

“Well, I wanted a sniff of danger. Turns out it just smells a lot like varren shit.” The stranger laughs, and Joonmyun likes how he tilts his head back as if what Joonmyun said was really hilarious. Is this how flirting works now? Joonmyun is clearly out of shape.

“You’re hilarious.”

“Thanks. You’re attractive.”

The stranger smirks. “And that applies to you more than it does to me.”

Joonmyun turns to face him, hands looking for his next glass of liquid courage with a punch of stupidity and desperation. He’s a man with _needs,_ for goodness’ sake; it’s been too long and he’s not afraid to get into any guy’s pants right now. “So tell me, how’d you gather the courage to walk up to me like this and attempt to hit on me, not knowing if I’m going to be interested in you at all?”

“Well,” he searches for his words, “there’s no guarantee that you’d be interested in me, but it’s worth a shot, yeah?” He smiles. “And I’m not completely off the mark here, right?”

Joonmyun plays coy, tilting his head to toy with him for a bit. “Not completely. You’re going to have to work a bit to get there, though.”

“Oh, I’ll make sure we get there.”

Maybe this is what he’s needed all this time. _Get that stick out of your ass and, well, get something else in it,_ as Baekhyun would helpfully say. Truth is Joonmyun’s just a man. He’s a man with normal needs and normal wants and this strange pang in his chest whenever he thinks of this tall man with a deep voice and a smile that speaks volumes, but he’s willing to take a nameless stranger if he has to. Just to tide over the loneliness for a little while.

_Live dangerously._

✈

His legs are dead. There’s this ridiculous weight pinning him down, and Joonmyun doesn’t know if that’s the alcohol or the ridiculously hot stranger sleeping beside him. It was a good night, but it’s not something Joonmyun does all the time. He needs a recharge, a break, and then it’s back to business. He slips on his clothes and leaves the area as quickly as he can. Walking through Omega with the onset of a hangover blooming in the back of his head isn't a very good idea, but he trudges through the grimy streets with sheer determination and the strong desire to take a long decontamination bath as soon as he gets back to the Aegis.

Baekhyun whistles when he sees him, eyeing the hot mess walking around with a nice limp in his legs. “Can’t believe you got laid before I did. This is such a blow to my ego.” He places his hand on his chest. “I’m going to get my shot too.”

“Shut up.”

Baekhyun grins at his irritation, and Joonmyun knows he’s screwed when Baekhyun smirks at him like the ass that he is. “So tell me, was he good? I thought I saw you on the dance floor; he seemed hot.”

“ _Please,_ shut the hell up.”

“I bet we’re here mostly because you wished it would be _him_ dragging you to bed, eh? Don’t tell me you haven’t thought of it—”

Joonmyun yanks him by his collar and punches his gut. “Shut the fuck up. That’s not something for you to joke about. This—this isn’t a personal mission. This isn’t for me.”

“Really? Baekhyun coughs a bit. “Are you sure of that? If you had gotten that information even without a client telling you to get him for them, I'm sure you would have dragged us all here anyway just because you want him back.” Baekhyun's eyes narrow, taking in every detail of Joonmyun's expressionless face. “Don't deny it. We all know he's more than just a client's request, not only for you but for the rest of us too.”

Joonmyun sighs, leaning his forehead on Baekhyun's shoulder. It isn't supposed to hurt like this. “It is personal. Of course it is. You're not stupid enough to believe me and I'm not convincing enough to try and pretend. It matters so much, and I want to save him so badly that it hurts. It hurts, Baekhyun, and I'm afraid that we're not going to make it to him.”

Baekhyun hugs him tightly, stroking his hair as they stand in the middle of the CIC, leaning against the controls. “I'm sorry.”

“It's okay,” Joonmyun says, voice barely sounding with the air. “And you were wrong.”

“About what?”

“About me rushing in here to save him. I wouldn't have.” Joonmyun smiles against Baekhyun's shoulder, and the younger boy feels it, along with the little droplets of water against his collar. “I would have rushed in there and died with him. It would have been better that way. I'd like it— that way.”

Joonmyun feels a little lighter, a little more prepared to see Yifan again. It's going to be difficult for all of them, but it needs to happen. For too long, they've lived on opposite sides of the galaxy, but it isn't like that now. It won't be like that anymore.

✈

Kyungsoo and Chanyeol are holed up in the cockpit; Kyungsoo’s hacking into the mercs’ comm links and radios, and Chanyeol’s reviewing the schematics of their operation. Joonmyun stretches in his suit, relishing the feel of the private army-standard outfits he got from his father. He only wants the best for his crew, and he’s happy that he has the resources to get it.

Sehun and Jongin butt heads with helmets on and laugh, and Baekhyun immediately whacks them with his uncharged pistol. “Idiots,” he says under his breath.

“We learned from the best.” Sehun grins as Baekhyun threatens to hit him again.

“Come on, kids. Let’s get a move on. He’s waiting for us.” Joonmyun connects their suit radios to the Aegis. “Kyungsoo, how are we on their comm chatter?”

“Wait…” He raises the volume, and they hear men screaming orders at each other, scattered and uncoordinated. “Damn. Archangel’s causing havoc down there.”

“Who knew he really had it in him, eh?” Baekhyun shrugs and rolls his neck. “Let’s move out!”

✈

It's not easy to walk around Omega with a full suit of armor and weapons strapped to your body. People have a tendency to believe that someone's out to get them for something they did, and knowing the kind of people on this station, there's a high possibility that there really is.

Joonmyun and Baekhyun are flanked by Jongin and Sehun, both of them a few meters apart from the two and from each other. It gives the illusion that they're not all together, and they wouldn't want to draw too much suspicion. Then again, given their outfits, everyone has a hand on their pistols, ready to whip them out and shoot in a moment's notice.

Joonmyun's tempted to go to the bar for one last drink, but he catches Aria's eye from the balcony and sees her smirk. _Good luck. Try to come back alive._

The merc outside their recruitment room perks up at the sight of them. “Finally, some guys who look like they can handle themselves.” He opens the door for them. “Hopefully.”

The batarian with a datapad looks at them once and signs them all up. “Pay is five-hundred credits per person. If you die, your friends aren't allowed to collect your pay. You'll get the money _after_ Archangel's been dealt with. No quitting in the middle of the mission. Are we clear?”

“Bring it,” answers Baekhyun. “Where do we go next?”

“There's a shuttle service to the right after you exit Afterlife.” The batarian waves them away. “Next!”

Joonmyun lags behind a bit, and Jongin tugs on his arm when he completely stops in the middle of the promenade. “Sorry,” he says. He feels himself shaking in his armor, and it takes a lot for him to take the step closer to that shuttle, closer to Yifan. His mind is a mess, and it’s a good thing Baekhyun’s in command today; they don’t need someone who can’t keep himself together before the mission even begins.

“Hop on, humans. This is automatically programmed to head straight to Kima, so don’t even think of hijacking it.” He pulls the door down and mouths at them: _“Go get yourselves killed.”_

✈

The cab drops them off near a batarian Blue Suns mercenary waiting for more freelancers. He checks them all off as they approach him. “I’m Salkie, here to check on whoever’s signing up for this. Thank goodness, we finally have people who look like they can put up a fight. Most of these idiots look like they’re actually _planning_ on getting themselves killed.” They hear a distant sniper rifle being shot. “Probably just did.”

“Can you, uh, give us a rundown of the situation?” Joonmyun asks. He makes sure to tune his radio in so Kyungsoo and Chanyeol can hear.

“Alright. So far, Archangel's holed up on the other side of the bridge, across the barricade we got set up. It's a death wish to go out there; his spot's too good, and he's been picking out all the freelancers that even dare to cross that bridge.” He rubs his temples, and the sound of a sniper rifle's shot resonates through the halls. “Hopefully, we'll get him soon. He's been making a few mistakes, getting a little tired. It's only a matter of time until he's dead and we can go back to killing each other again.”

“That’s good. We’ll take care of it.” The batarian only laughs at Baekhyun.

“Ha! You humans and your idiot arrogance. We’ve got a plan, so listen up.” Another shot. Another scream from the distance. Salkie doesn't seem to be bothered by it anymore. “You freelancers are on the Distraction team. Keep him busy and focused on you while the Infiltration team sneaks out from behind and grabs him by his tail.”

“Out on a bridge where you just said he has a clear shot of everyone who dares risk their life by getting out of cover?” Sehun scoffs. “That's suicide!”

Salkie shrugs. “Pretty much. We don't say it straight up like this to anyone who volunteers, but you look like you can handle yourselves.”

_“Salkie, get me those freelancers! We need more out here, and we can't let him take a breather.”_

“Aye.” Salkie shuts off his radio for a second. “You heard the guy; head over to Sergeant Cathka on the third barricade. He'll give you the signal to go in.”

“What can you say about the target though?” asks Joonmyun, voice quiet as he gauges the reaction.

“I'm not the right guy to ask. Tarak and the other bosses all have bad blood with him, so you should head over to them if you want any stories. Still,” he shrugs, “shouldn't matter. He's going to die anyway.”

 _“Not if we have anything to do about it,”_ says Kyungsoo from their radios. _“I suggest you get a move on, guys. We're going to need to sabotage as much of their resources as we can before we go out there.”_

“Aye.” Baekhyun walks past Salkie and views the map they got from Cerberus. “Alright, this should be pretty straightforward. D.O, any advice?”

_“I'm detecting the presence of several mechs in a room. They're disabled for now, but there's an YMIR in there. Joonmyun, can you disable it somehow or at least alter its programming?”_

“You mock me with your lack of confidence,” he says, tracing the signatures to a nearby locked room. He easily bypasses the security and sneaks in. “Watch out for me.”

Their firewalls are simple enough to be passed through, and Joonmyun disables its friend-or-foe targeting system. “In and out, just like that.” He signals to them. “Let's get a move on.”

 _“Their radios are telling me that this Sergeant Cathka you’re supposed to be looking for is repairing a gunship Archangel shot down.”_ Chanyeol whistles. _“Damn. Yi—Archangel is really on a roll here. Might want to stop him from fully repairing it if you don’t want them to get a good shot.”_

“Copy.” Baekhyun spots the gunship and ducks under its wing, approaching the batarian working under it. “Sergeant Cathka, I presume?”

The man rolls out from under it and turns off the tint in his helmet. “You must be the group Salkie radioed in a while ago. Said you actually looked like you’ve been through shit like this before. Definitely need more of you.” He takes a drink. “Any questions? Might want to clear your mind before the Infiltration team gives the signal.”

“Are you going to cover us with that gunship?” Joonmyun eyes the machinery. It looks stable from the outside, but based on how much grease is on Cathka’s uniform, it must have taken a lot to get it to that state.

“Only Tarak rides her. Took a beating from Archangel, but it’s going to be as good as new once I’m done with it.”

A Blue Suns merc runs into the alcove. “Cathka! Signal’s in. Freelancers, move!”

“And it's time for you to go. Good luck out there. Try to last a bit before you get killed.” He walks to his terminal to run some tests on its systems. Baekhyun eyes the welder within his arm's reach, and Jongin nods at him. 

“Take a breather, yeah?” Baekhyun sticks the welder in his back, watching as he gurgles and chokes on his own blood. Jongin and Sehun drag him off behind a few crates and dust off their hands. “Let's do this.”

“Agreed.” Joonmyun activates his tech armor, and signals the Aegis. “Help us out as much as you can, please?”

 _“Of course,”_ Kyungsoo answers. _“Suho, you may want to hurry. The freelancers are charging, and Archangel's tearing them up way too easily.”_

Baekhyun's the last to hop over the barricade. “We're past the blockade.” He looks up and sees Archangel, pulling out of cover as he snipes someone right before he jumps off the barricade. The man is shot cleanly in the head, and Baekhyun whistles. “He sure is doing some good work here.”

Jongin's shield is disrupted with a shot on his shoulder. “Geez, don't you think he would have remembered me? That hurt a bit.” He brings out his shotgun. “Tell us when to break our cover. I'm tired of not shooting anyone.”

Joonmyun stares hard at Archangel's helmet before he rushes out in front and takes cover behind a pillar. He finds his opportunity when he sees a mechanic working a bomb. Sehun and Baekhyun take cover near the other entrance of his base. Jongin nods at him.

_Let's begin._

“Deploying overload!” The bomb overheats and explodes, charring the mechanic on it and alerting the other mercs.

“Fuck, they’re on his side!”

 _“Kill them! Kill them all!”_ Joonmyun hears Tarak shout from their radio, and he dodges out of cover to quickly finish up a freelancer whose shields were damaged by the blast. Jongin rushes forward with a biotic charge, distracting them enough for Sehun to sweep in and kill the ones on the far side of the room. Baekhyun pulls someone out of his cover, giving Joonmyun the chance to throw him against the wall.

Sehun lodges a slug in his brain and wipes off the blood splatter on his gun. “Move up?”

“Move up!” Baekhyun ducks by the stairwell's railing. “D.O, any updates?”

_“Jaroth’s warming up his mechs. Hurry.”_

“Agreed.” Jongin rushes to take cover, and he easily clears out the second floor. “Check that back room over there.”

Baekhyun signals Joonmyun to come with him. As the doors slide open, the only things in it are five black body bags on the floor. _Five._

“Baekhyun?” No one replies to Sehun. “Joonmyun? What's in there?”

“Five,” Baekhyun says, voice barely even a whisper. “Exactly five.”

Joonmyun looks at them. One long body. _Zitao._ Two bodies pressed together like twins. _Lu Han and Yixing._ Two shorter bodies on either side of the three, like silent guardians at the side. _Minseok and Jongdae._

“No.” Sehun's voice cracks, and he accidentally wastes a slug from his pistol on the wall. Jongin grips his hand and hugs his arm. Deftly, he takes away the gun from Sehun for a moment as the two younger men— _no, they’re still just boys_ —cry for a few seconds.

Baekhyun kneels by Jongdae's foot, and he doesn't have the courage to lift up the plastic cover on his body. No one has the courage to see it. No one could handle it at such a critical time like this. Joonmyun's still leaning by the wall, thinking of what could have happened if he replied to Minseok's e-mail before. Would they have spoken? Reunited? Maybe none of this would have happened. Maybe their deaths just add up to the long list of mistakes Joonmyun committed, and the monsters under his bed have transferred to the souls in torment inside his closet. Maybe this is still his fault.

 _“The radio is silent—guys? What's going on down there?”_ Chanyeol says through the radio. _“Wrap it up; there are some more extras that slipped into the base.”_

“They're gone, Chanyeol,” Baekhyun says, discarding all their security protocols for a second. “The rest of them are gone.”

 _“What?”_ Kyungsoo's voice is too high for a moment, and the line goes silent. Then there are sounds of footsteps climbing the stairs, and Baekhyun stands up and walks to the doorway. From his vantage point, he lifts the two freelancers, waits for them to meet his tear-soaked face, and slams them against the ground.

“Let's move. We have to move.” Joonmyun follows Baekhyun and rushes to the door, bypassing the lock on the door. Joonmyun wipes away his tears before he opens the door, and even then, he only trails behind Baekhyun.

His silhouette is tall and sharp against the lights the mercs shined on him from their side of the bridge. His fingers, long and slim, tell them to wait a bit before stepping forward. Joonmyun watches the familiar way he positions his rifle, the gentle slope of his neck as he tilts, then waits, and then the target is gone. The bridge is clear, and he finally has room to step back and breathe.

He puts down his rifle, takes off his helmet, and faces them, standing in the light. _Yifan._

“I can’t say I expected you all to be here.” He smiles. “Wanted to see you guys, meet up someday. Not under these circumstances though.”

“Yifan,” Joonmyun says, his voice soft and weak and wrong. This isn’t supposed to be how their first meeting goes. Joonmyun is supposed to be strong; he's supposed to show that he's fine without Yifan, and he's just doing this because it's a job. But after seeing the dead bodies of his own friends, and now seeing someone that feels like a ghost to him already... it's too much all at once.

“Joonmyun.” His gaze softens. But they hear the familiar sounds of mechs powering up in the distance, and they know that the next wave is about to start. “It’s going to take a while for them though, so we have just enough time to rest and catch up. I’m glad to see all of you.”

“Can’t say the same for you,” Sehun mumbles, and though his voice is cracking everywhere, he still looks at Yifan with happiness and admiration. Sehun rushes up to hug him, and as awkward as Yifan’s expression is, he returns the hug as best as he can. It’s strange; he must only remember Sehun and Jongin as boys, but now he’s holding Sehun as a man, not as a teen with his awkward limbs and newly-gained height. All of them; they all changed.

“I’m sorry, I—They. _We_ were fed false information. While I was out for a small hit, the Blue Suns hit the base. Yixing was the last one left, still trying to—uh, fix everyone. Didn’t work. He didn’t last long after that; I—had to rest them there.” Yifan breathes deeply. “I want to take them back to Earth someday, maybe when I get out of this god-forsaken rock.”

“Agreed.” Joonmyun walks closer to Yifan’s perch, peering at their defenses on the other side of the barricade. Yifan offers him the sniper rifle. A group of LOKI mechs are deployed over the barricade, and Joonmyun easily shoots one down. The lucky headshot causes the mech to explode, and that in turn damages everyone around it.

“Nice shot.” Yifan smiles at him. Joonmyun… doesn’t know what to feel about anything right now. They all face each other, and Baekhyun nods at him. Joonmyun feels that spark again, the intense clarity in his mind as he knows exactly what to do.

 _Thank you, Baekhyun,_ he mouths at the younger male. “Alright then. Kai, set yourself up downstairs, in a good enough distance from the main entrance to knock them out. Aether, stay by the staircase and make sure no one gets close to your position. Shu, stay up here with Yifan and snipe as many as you can. Anyone that gets past you two will walk straight towards us.”

Joonmyun turns away. “D.O, we are present with Archangel. Do you have any info on the mercs on the other side?”

 _“Tell him we said hi.”_ Joonmyun relays the message, and Yifan smiles back, though it’s a lot more muted than the gummy smile Joonmyun could easily recall before. _“They seem to be bringing out the YMIR, but based on the rewiring you did to it, it's going to pose a significantly lesser threat on you. Be careful though; after a while, they're going to figure it out and start repairing it from its activation console. Let it take out as many as it can before you disable it yourself. Other than that, good luck!”_

Joonmyun turns on his tech armor and takes cover beside Yifan. “What’s your plan then?” the Archangel asks him.

“Stay up here and kill as many as I can from a distance.” _Also stay beside you, make sure you're alive, do my best to support you and patch you up when necessary. You know, the usual._

Yifan shrugs, and there they are again with their coy smiles and sneaky glances. Joonmyun feels like he's twenty again, flying all over Earth in this fancy ship with a bunch of his friends. Joonmyun feels like he's a kid again, living on the thrill of adventure and danger. Now he's barely living, and if he dies now...

He looks at Yifan again: his perfectly sculpted face, one that hasn't changed after all their years apart; his graceful way of killing, despite the gory nature of the battlefield; his long fingers and all the good memories Joonmyun had with those.

If he dies now, it wouldn't really be so bad.

Joonmyun shakes himself out of his reverie with a quick shot to an exposed LOKI. _“Eclipse mercs in the base!”_ Jongin mutters through his teeth. He lets out a sigh of relief. _“Dealt with accordingly.”_

“Uh oh,” Sehun leans back to look at the two leaders—and how absolutely good it feels to be able to say that again—and points, “YMIR is being deployed!”

The heavy mech unfolds with a wave of mercs following its trail. Sehun brings out his heavy weapon and waits for Joonmyun’s signal. As soon as the YMIR mech shows sign of a defect, Joonmyun shouts “go!” and Sehun shoots, watching as several mercs right beside the original target char and turn to ashes.

“Kai, Aether, do you need any assistance down there?” asks Joonmyun.

 _“We’ll clean up any mercs from down here. You should focus on the heavy mech.”_ A LOKI approaches the entrance of their base, but he’s thrown backwards against the mech, crushed by the impact. _“Though it looks like it’s about to take care of them itself.”_

The YMIR shoots at anything it sees, and Joonmyun sees that as an opportunity. “Shu and Archangel, take out the small fry coming out from the barricade. I’ll whittle down the mech’s shields.” He dodges back into cover. “Ready?” They nod. “Deploying overload!”

The YMIR fires a missile at the snipers’ perch, but by then, it only takes a single burst of ammo from Jongin to shatter its shields. “Good job, Kai! Everyone, let’s get rid of that armor. Aether, you and I warp the shit out of that thing, alright?”

 _“Aye. Let’s bring this thing down.”_ Baekhyun and Joonmyun simultaneously spawn a mass effect field at the target, slowing it down for a while as it’s held back by the added weight. Incendiary tech causes their ammo to burn holes in the mech’s old armor, and it’s continuously pushed backwards by the force of Jongin’s shotgun combined with the biotic attack.

 _“Heads up: a few more mechs just got activated,”_ Chanyeol warns. _“I’ll try to see what we can do from here.”_

“What do you mean—oh.” The heads of a row of mechs explode before they even reach the ground. Yifan whistles. “Nice!”

 _“You’re welcome.”_ His voice is stilted, and Joonmyun grows tense. He doesn’t pay much attention to it, seeing that he’s too busy taking cover from a new source of missiles. _“Heavy weapons on the battlefield!”_

“We know.” Sehun takes cover by the corner, raising his eyes to his scope and waiting for the perfect moment. Before the merc with the missile launcher can even pull the trigger, Sehun has a slug lodged into her skull.

“Good job!” Yifan says as he takes the other down from his position. Turns out the other one was actually Jaroth, leader of the Eclipse mercs in Omega. “Oh. Well, at least he's gone now.” He shoots at the YMIR mech, and it hits a critical spot on the robot's arm, rendering its missile launcher useless. “Lucky shot.”

Joonmyun overloads its other arm, but instead of crippling it further, it releases a long burst of bullets towards Jongin's cover. Jongin screams through the radio, and Joonmyun can hear his panting in his earpiece. “Kai, I'm sorry!”

 _“It's o-okay. I can handle it; it's just my shoulder. Aether, cover for me.”_ While Jongin runs back to get some medi-gel, Baekhyun lifts an explosive container and propels it towards the mech. It effectively knocks him back, and Joonmyun sees his opening: the mech's core.

“Archangel, Shu, aim for the head!” He short-circuits its core, and the two slugs straight in its head cause the thing to explode, blowing away parts of the mercs' barricade. “Good job, everyone!”

Yifan relaxes, putting down his gun. “We have time to rest. Reload your weapons, and let’s all meet up here.” He fixes his radio signal to link directly to the Aegis. “I’m surprised you’re still on the same frequency. Hi, Kyungsoo and Chanyeol—or, uh, D.O. and Phoenix?”

_“Nice to hear your voice loud and clear, Archangel. Glad to know you’re still here.”_

Jongin and Baekhyun arrive, and Jongin has already patched up his shoulder. Joonmyun rushes towards him. “Are you sure you're alright?”

“I'm fine. I can take care of myself now, remember?” Jongin pulls Joonmyun closer by the neck. “Stop worrying so much.”

“If you don't want me to worry, then don't strain your shoulder any further.” He forcefully pulls away from Jongin and sets his shoulder straight. “Better. Now, what's the plan?”

 _“Uh, I think—”_ Chanyeol's disrupted by a loud explosion from deep below. An alarm lights up in Yifan's console.

“Damn it, damn it, damn it!” He presses random buttons in alarm. “They must have bombed their way through the doors. You need to go down there and close those shutter doors before they break through and reach the base. Hurry, we don't have much time.” Yifan takes his place back on the perch. “I'll take care of any that pass through here; I'm sure there won't be much.”

Joonmyun nods, placing a hand on Yifan's shoulder before he walks out of the room with the rest of them. “Phoenix, give us a visual on the tunnels.”

 _“There are three pathways that fork at a point.”_ Chanyeol pauses. _“All three of them have Blood Pack crawling all over.”_

“Alright.” Joonmyun flings a stray vorcha against the wall, and Sehun fires a shot at him to finish the job. They walk through the tunnels, ready to face any Blood Pack members. Their coast is clear, but Joonmyun sees the first shutter right in the middle. He activates his tech armor. “Cover me; I'm rushing in!”

Jongin is running on par with him, instantly shooting down any attacker that comes too close. Baekhyun throws back a varren that almost bites off Jongin's leg. Joonmyun presses the shutter switch, and they step away as Sehun fires a grenade at the clump of vorcha rushing towards them in bloodlust. The shutters close and Joonmyun takes a breather.

“Let's split. Kai and I will take the north path, and you two take the one to the south.” They nod. “Move!”

As Joonmyun opens the door and instantly takes cover. He radios Yifan. “Archangel, how are you holding up in there?”

_“Not so good. They're starting to grow in number, and I had to lock my door again just in case.”_

Joonmyun groans, throwing a vorcha against his companion in frustration. “You said you would be fine; I could have left someone with you!”

 _“It’s_ fine, _Suho. I can take care of myself. Just get those shutters closed and come back here. I can't afford to leave the window to clear out my base.”_

“Alright, we'll hurry.” Joonmyun vaults over his cover and makes a weapon explode. “Kai. let's rush this.” He signals the other two. “Everyone, hurry the fuck up!” Joonmyun nails a varren right before it jumps over him. “We have to go back to the base and make sure no one bypasses Archangel's security.”

 _“We're getting pinned down here, Suho. Take care of your side before you worry about us, though.”_ Baekhyun screams, and Joonmyun can only imagine how many forces they're dealing with all at the same time.

To be honest, Jongin is Joonmyun's favorite companions for fast missions like these. He's reckless with his biotics, and Joonmyun mostly spends his time trying to make sure that no one kills Jongin once and for all, but he needs the fast pace to wake him up every now and then. Sehun is reckless, much like him, but he has a bit more discipline than Jongin. All in all, Jongin is still a good companion for Joonmyun, someone who can take care of himself but also needs some taking care of still.

And with that, Jongin charges straight into the last Blood Pack by the shutter and presses the switch. From his cover, Joonmyun can clearly see what the approaching figure in the distance is.

“Krogan charging!” Joonmyun throws it back, but he's overwhelmed by the packs of varren following its trail. “Never mind; Kai, let's retreat!”

They run back, occasionally releasing biotic throws at them to hold the line. The shutter closes right before they can make it through, and Joonmyun makes a metal beam collapse in front of it just in case.

As they walk back to the center point, Joonmyun presses a hand to the side of his chest. There's going to be bruising there, he's sure; that varren really did a number on him, tackling him and almost piercing through his armor with its teeth. It's a good thing Jongin had the presence of mind to throw it back instead of shooting or else Joonmyun would have a hole in his leg along with the bruise.

Sehun is leaning against the wall when they meet up, hand pressed against his thigh. Joonmyun kneels beside him, pulling out his medi-gel supply. “Kai and Aether, go to Archangel. Speaking of him,” he rubs the medi-gel on Sehun's bloody thigh, “Archangel, what's your situation?”

_“Shit! They just broke through my defenses. I—”_

“Yifan, wait! Keep yourself alive; they're almost there.” Joonmyun helps Sehun put on his armor again as he listens to Yifan's side of the radio.

 _“So, Archangel. We meet again.”_ Joonmyun helps Sehun up. They stagger along the hallway, but Sehun regains his momentum and runs straight up the stairs again.

_“Fuck you, Garm. I'm going to finish the job this time.”_

“Garm's in the room. Shit—let's go.” Joonmyun is almost shot clean by a vorcha, but he turns on his tech armor at the last second and it deflects perfectly. The rest of them are pinned down by the Blood Pack, but Jongin rushes forward and blows away anyone in his path, arriving at the second floor before anyone can stop him.

“Kai, do you have a visual?” Joonmyun shoots a vorcha in the head, sneering at his last hiss before it dies.

 _“Do I have a visual? I'm trying to_ kill _the damn guy; of course I have a visual!”_ Jongin sounds tired, and Joonmyun takes cover by the doorway. Yifan is crouched down behind the bunk beds, calibrating something on his gun. Jongin and Gram are walking around each other in a circle, staring each other down.

“You are a puny human, but I admire your courage. I will enjoy killing you.” Gram smirks—what do krogans look like when they smirk?—at him, but he fails to see Baekhyun charge up before he lifts him and then drops him hard to the floor.

The force isn't enough to keep the krogan down permanently, but it does give them enough time to regroup and surround him. Garm only laughs. “Pathetic. You humans can't handle yourselves alone, so you team up against the rest of the galaxy to get your stupid little deeds done.” Garm spits on the floor. “I'll make sure none of you make it past this night.”

Yifan distracts him with a concussive shot, and that's the biotics cue to slam him with everything they can. Though he regenerates like a freak of nature, it only takes several waves of constant damage for him to finally be put down.

Joonmyun slumps against the wall, clutching his sides. Garm slammed against him earlier, noticing how Archangel hesitated every time he stood by Joonmyun's direction in his sight. Joonmyun doesn't blame Yifan for hesitating, doesn't blame him for this. He takes spare medi-gel from the nearby shelves to reduce the bruising of his ribs before it gets any worse, which it will later on.

Yifan kneels down beside him. “You alright?”

“I'm holding up. It's going to bruise, but I'll be fine.” Joonmyun unhooks his chest piece and rubs the salve under his shirt. He peers up coyly, smirking at how Yifan stares at him. _It's been too long,_ he thinks to himself, but it doesn't last long when he sees how empty and lifeless Yifan's face is. This isn't—he couldn't possibly be the man that Joonmyun fell for long ago.

Maybe he isn't anymore, but that doesn't mean he isn't still worth loving.

Yifan offers what's left of his medi-gel pack to the others, and they take turns applying a bit on all their injuries. Joonmyun straps his clothes back on and stands, looking out past the barricade. “Nothing's happening,” he says. “It's weird.”

“The calm before the storm.” Yifan stands behind him. “I wonder what the Blue Suns are planning.”

There's this whirring sound in the background. At first it seems like nothing, probably a vent with something stuck in it. Then it gets louder, and louder, and louder, but it's too late for them to run. The gunship is up in the air, dropping off some of the Blue Suns troops straight into the room. They take cover wherever they can, and Baekhyun starts the offense with a biotic pull on the first trooper he can see. Jongin shoots him down, and the rest of the mercs start rushing towards them, guns blazing.

 _“There are mercs advancing on the lower level,”_ Kyungsoo tells them.

“Aether, you’re with me!” Joonmyun rushes outside, and Baekhyun stays by the stairwell. “Throw them down when they get halfway; I’ll shoot them from here.”

Joonmyun doesn’t anticipate the slug directed right towards his skull. He’s dazed for a few seconds, and then he tracks its origin. “Fucking sniper.” He shoots at her, but she’s safe behind cover. “A little help here, please.”

Baekhyun pulls her out of cover, and Joonmyun slams her against another merc who’s from Joonmyun’s shot. Baekhyun shoots them both, and they make quick work of the rest of the small fry below them.

When they reach the main room, Jongin and Sehun immediately tackle them down as the gunship fires a missile straight at Yifan. The blast blinds Joonmyun for a few seconds until he sees the subsequent events.

The others are still a little shocked at the missile fired right in front of them, but they immediately spring back to action, covering for Joonmyun who's crawling towards Yifan's limp body. He rolls him over, hands shaking as he struggles to figure out where to begin. He brings out his last medi-gel pack, smearing the salve all over his neck and reaching underneath his armor.

“Suho, you may want to _hurry!_ ” Baekhyun groans at Joonmyun's refusal to let go of Yifan, and he drags him away from the limp body. Joonmyun hesitantly starts shooting at the mercs in front of them, and Baekhyun shakes him by the shoulders. “Focus! He's our mission, but for now, we need to focus on surviving too.”

Jongin whips away a merc that was about to kill them both at point-blank range. He nods at them to get a move on, and Joonmyun wipes away his tears, turning on his radio. “D.O, do you have any advice for that damn gunship?”

_“Killing Cathka made sure that it's not fully recovered. Its armors are halfway off, but it's going to continually give the opportunity for more Blue Suns to get in through the window.”_

“Thanks. Aether and I will take out the gunship's armor; Kai and Shu, cover for us.” Joonmyun runs to a different cover position, shielded from both the mercs and the gunship's sight. He and Baekhyun alternate from warping different areas of its external plating and shooting at the Blue Suns making their way into the room. Joonmyun peeks at Yifan, and he looks like his usual self, just having a bad dream and a whole lot of blood all over his body.

Soon, Baekhyun's biotic attack causes a plate to fall off, leaving it defenseless from attack. Joonmyun targets the guns and short-circuits them, causing the slugs to overheat and cause small explosions. “Shu, heavy weapons!”

Sehun brings out the grenade launcher. “Brace yourselves!” It only takes one shot for the gunship to go down, and the rest of the mercs either retreat or are killed cleanly by Jongin.

_“They’re gone. It’s over.”_

Joonmyun breathes a sigh of relief before he remembers the man lying in a pool of his own blood. He checks his vitals through his omni-tool and is completely relieved to see that his heart is still beating and his brain doesn’t seem to have taken any damage. The rest can be cared for by Cerberus.

“Joonmyun,” Jongin kneels beside him, pressing a hand to his side, “you’re injured.”

It’s true. His bruised rib has turned into an actual broken rib from the force of the two protecting him from the blast, and it’s bleeding profusely. Joonmyun doesn’t feel it anymore; too much has happened for him to pay attention to a simple injury like this.

Yifan opens his eyes slowly, fluttering as he coughs out blood. He turns his head to look at Joonmyun, and the younger man reaches out a bloody hand to hold him.

_If I die, I die with him._

✈

Sterile white. Everything is white and clean, and it smells a lot like Yixing’s clinic which… feels like a distant memory now. It is a distant memory. It’s always going to be just a distant memory now.

Joonmyun shakes his head, sitting up slowly. He’s dressed in unfamiliar robes, bearing the symbol of Cerberus. _Of course._

He’s about to hop off and look for his clothes before someone stops him. “Don’t move,” she says, voice with an unfamiliar Earth accent. “Do you remember who you are? Why you’re in here?”

“I’m Kim Joonmyun, and I was out to get—” He stops, eyes revealing his inner panic. “Where is he? Where’s Yifan?”

“Archangel is _safe;_ he was treated and is being monitored right now. Please relax, Joonmyun.” She leans against the bed across his. “I’m Miranda Lawson, a Cerberus officer. I’m in charge of keeping Archangel alive and, by extension, you too. Don’t worry about him; he’s in good hands.”

“Where’s the rest of my crew? Are they alright?”

“They’re fine. The Aegis is docked on the station, and the rest of your teammates recovered quickly after some initial treatment. You were out for quite a while, Joonmyun; it must have been quite a fight.”

Joonmyun lightly traces the stitches on the side of his body. “Thank you.”

“It's fine.” She shakes her head. “The payment has been forwarded to your account. The Illusive Man sends his thanks.” Miranda stands and starts walking away. “Your clothes are in the locker nearby. Do collect your belongings before you leave the med bay.”

“Miranda, wait!” She stops and turns to face him. “Do we have to leave right away? Can we—” Joonmyun coughs. “Can we wait for Yifan to wake up?”

“Well,” she sighs, “there were no orders telling you to leave right away. And you have done a great service to us, so I guess you can stay. But only until Archangel is conscious. You can speak with him for a few hours, then you have to get off our station and make sure that no one hears of this. Clear?”

“Clear.” Joonmyun smiles softly. “Thank you.”

“Of course. Cerberus may contact you in the future for any high-risk missions like these in the future; you really proved yourself to be the right person for the job, Joonmyun.” She exits the med bay and gives Joonmyun the privacy to change. He still has to be careful of rupturing his sutures, but he seems mostly fine.

Joonmyun walks around the station, trying not to poke at too many things. He finds his way to the dock, where the rest of his crew are staying by the entrance to the Aegis. Baekhyun rushes forward to hug him, and the rest of them follow suit, allowing themselves a little moment of tenderness as a team.

“So much has happened in one night, guys. I just wanted to know if you're all coping with it.” Joonmyun sits on a bench, leaning against the wall. 

“Learning that the five of them are... gone now; it hurts. But what can we do? Yifan tried his best to save them, but it was a set-up. He couldn't have done anything.” Chanyeol sighs. “I'm happy he's alive.”

“We're all going to be okay,” Kyungsoo says, and there's a small part there that hurts a lot. It hurts to know the true fate of their friends, to see five body bags on the floor instead of really being there to appreciate them until the very end.

Minseok was Kyungsoo’s mentor. Lu Han was the one who started everything for them. Yixing was the one they could go to for help or advice or if they just needed a good chat. Jongdae was the one who could lighten the mood even if he barely tries—and Baekhyun’s the one he’s really leaving behind here. Zitao was the baby who wasn’t a baby, the one Joonmyun doted after because he never felt like having a little brother until Zitao wormed his way into Joonmyun’s heart.

It’s difficult to let them go, to remind themselves that they’re memories now, and they can’t go back to those days anymore. “We’ll remember them. Always.”

They smile, tears in their eyes for some others. “We’re always going to remember them.”

✈

Joonmyun pulls up his chair, reading an old book he’s been saving for quiet times like these. The sound of the IV drip and the EKG monitor beeping keeps him awake, steady as the words form images of worlds even vaster than the universe that they live in today. It’s been a week since he regained consciousness, but Joonmyun isn’t going to leave until Yifan wakes up. He’s not going to waste this opportunity, even if it will only last a few hours.

Something is nagging him, making his lips twitch as he tries to shake off the odd feeling. Joonmyun puts his book down, and he’s surprised to see Yifan just smiling at him, eyes bleary but definitely awake. Joonmyun runs to call the doctors, and they come in to check on Yifan’s vitals.

“You’re fine. Perfectly fine.” Joonmyun hands Yifan his clothes and turns away, giving him a bit of privacy.

Yifan just laughs. “Do you, uh, mind helping me out of these damn things?” Joonmyun rushes behind him, untying the ugly robes Cerberus had them wear in the stay in the lab. “Don't act like you haven't seen everything before.”

“I _have_ seen everything, but that was a long time ago, and I enjoy the image of a very fit twenty-three year old man’s body in my mind.” Yifan grabs Joonmyun’s wrist and laughs with him on the bed.

“That’s so nice, Joonmyun! Really.”

“I’m being honest!” Joonmyun laughs with reckless abandon, and he feels more youthful than he’s felt in so, so long. It’s so strange; laughing with Yifan? Joking around with him? Is it so difficult for two people to go back to being friends if they simply try?

They sit on the bed, staring at each other as they smile and observe all the little changes they can keep track of in their mind. Yifan isn't the twenty-three year old boy Joonmyun once knew, and he's certain that he's not the twenty-two year old Yifan thought he would see either. It's strange to come to terms with the fact that they're nothing like who they used to be.

The door slides open, and Joonmyun hops off the bed. It's Miranda, and she only stares at them blankly. “Archangel?”

“Call me Yifan.” He stares at the symbol on her clothes. “Cerberus?”

“Yes, you're currently in a Cerberus space station. Joonmyun and the others were hired to retrieve you for us because of an... important mission.” She flicks her hair off her shoulder. “The Illusive Man will brief you in a few hours. Do catch up with each other; you'll have to maximize your time here.”

When she leaves, Joonmyun doesn't really know what to feel. Something about the words “important mission” bugs him, like it's just a cover-up for the fact that this is something he might lose Yifan to. As soon as they've finally reunited... he's going to be taken away again.

“Hey,” Yifan holds his hand, “what's trapping you up in your head again?”

Joonmyun laughs, even if he's tensing up at the physical contact. “It’s nothing.”

“Look, Joonmyun.” Yifan sighs and lets go of the other man’s hand. “I’m sorry. It’s hard to think about it, not having the five other guys to back me up and keep me steady. We,” he pauses to swallow the lump in his throat, “left because we wanted to do good. That was the original plan, but somehow, we kind of forgot what our reasons were for doing this. Lu Han and I thought about it, and we decided that leaving was the best choice for us. The other four weren’t asked to come. They found out somehow, and they decided for themselves that they weren’t going to leave us to die alone out there. It didn’t spread to the others. In the end, we were the ones who left.

“We went to China for a while, regrouped and put an end to our own doubts. It took us almost a year to gather the funds for a small ship, just enough for the six of us. We spent a lot of time in space, taking up small jobs. We were docked in this salarian space station for a while, serving as security. It was the most boring year of my life, but it paid good money, and after that, we finally found the purpose we were looking for.

“Omega was a shithole, as we expected. Still it was a good start, and we could afford a small apartment by the slums. I don't want to go into the details, but Lu Han got into a bit of a mess with Eclipse, and we had to defend ourselves. Defense turned into offense, and then we were the ones breathing down their neck, waiting for them to do something that we could fuck up. It was fun for a while, then the consequences became tangible.

“They died, Joonmyun. I didn't double check my sources, and I assured them that I could do it alone. It's my fault.”

Joonmyun’s first reaction is to shove Yifan off the bed. Yifan lands on his feet, luckily, and he stares at the younger man. “I’m so—”

“Shut up.” Joonmyun hugs him tightly, tucking his head under Yifan’s chin. “It’s not your fault. It happened. I think the best thing we can do in this situation is to keep moving forward.”

Yifan pulls away, and Joonmyun sees him tearing up. They were good friends, and they’re trying to go back there, but Joonmyun never saw him like this. He was never vulnerable; it was always Joonmyun who needed the fixing. But things have changed. Yifan lost his family, his true family. Joonmyun… he can only imagine how much it really hurts.

But Yifan drops it after a while. And for the first time in four years, they talk. Joonmyun and Yifan simply… talk. It’s difficult to start over, but they have years’ worth of stories and lessons and discoveries, and they can’t waste a minute.

Joonmyun finds himself falling for that gummy smile again, even if it looks a lot dimmer than the one that would plague Joonmyun's dreams. Joonmyun finds himself falling for that same laughter, the same deep voice that could spend hours and hours talking about anything and everything. Joonmyun finds himself falling for the same person, the same lame jokes and awkward antics, the same man who he let go of years ago because he didn't know what it was like to fall and he would never allow himself to.

Joonmyun thinks: if Yifan was a random guy he just met, and they were having this exact same conversation without their background information and history with each other, would he still feel like this? Would he want to grab another pillow to sit on, lean against the edge of the bed, and talk for a few more hours? Would he choose to stay and indulge in the simple pleasure of being with someone who, well, is worth staying for?

The answer? Yes. 

They don’t really know where to go next. Miranda calls Yifan to say that The Illusive Man’s waiting, and Joonmyun follows until Miranda looks at him expectantly. Yifan sighs, thinking of something appropriate to say. This is a goodbye, another goodbye as soon as they’ve finally reconnected. But it doesn’t have to end here.

“Let’s talk,” Yifan says. “Let’s promise to talk every now and then.”

Joonmyun stares. “Uh, yes! Talking, great; I’m looking forward to that.” He smiles, and though he feels like slamming his face against the wall at the moment, he still can’t stop that grin on his face. “I’d love to talk.”

“We’ll find a way, yeah?” Yifan walks backward, step by step, wanting to prolong this moment.

“We will. We’re going to find a way.”

✈

Joonmyun sits on the co-pilot's chair, running his fingers over the controls. He looks at Kyungsoo through the corner of his eyes. “Are we ready?”

“Hell yeah, we are,” Kyungsoo says. “Cerberus Command, this is the Aegis, requesting permission to take off.”

 _“Permission granted. Wait for notice as we undock.”_ Joonmyun watches as they pull back the bridge in between the Aegis and the station, and they're cleared to go.

 _“Go ahead, Aegis. Do remember to keep this as quiet, yes?”_ It's Miranda's voice, and Joonmyun replies with a solid, “Yes.”

As they drift off into space, Kyungsoo looks at Joonmyun oddly. Joonmyun sighs and turns his chair to face him. “Alright, what is it?” He feels odd as the rest of the crew are standing in the cockpit, waiting for him to say something. “Um, what's going on?”

“We wanted to know how Yifan was. I mean,” Baekhyun shakes his head, “we all miss them. We all want to know what happened.”

“Yifan is alright. He's... not the same, though the essentials haven't changed. So many things happened; he's bound to be a slightly different person after that.” Joonmyun still smiles at the thought of him.

“And what's going to happen now?” Sehun asks. “Is he just going to vanish with Cerberus forever?”

“No,” Joonmyun says, and it takes a lot for him to say that without any doubts at all. “We're going— to talk. Just talk.” Baekhyun smirks at him. “It's a start! We're just starting again, okay!”

They laugh, and it's this warm, bubbling feeling in Joonmyun's chest that keeps him going. There are so many things worth staying for, but maybe they all need to refresh and go back to where they truly belong. Joonmyun stares at the map of the galaxy in the CIC, and now he knows where they should go.

“Baekhyun?”

He smiles. “Yeah?”

“Set a course to Earth. We're going back home.”

✈

_2185;_

Joonmyun groans, hanging up on a particular customer of his that he has no patience for today. It’s been a stressful few weeks for him; being the primary information broker in this side of the Citadel isn’t an easy job, and he also has to handle Sehun and Chanyeol getting bored of running around, doing errands for him. Who knew not being in the thick of the action would really be this boring?

Still, he turns off the tint on the windows and smiles at the view of the Presidium from his bedroom. It took them a while to get here, but they finally made it out of the Wards, and Joonmyun’s influential enough with all he knows to stay here without any objections.

He saw his father one day, and Joonmyun smiled politely as he walked into the apartment that he paid for with his own hard work, without the endless resources his father would give him just to get him out of his sight. Now he’s a man, and his father couldn’t look any happier to get rid of him.

Joonmyun’s turns his head at the knock on the door. “Uh, Joonmyun?” Jongin bites his lip. “We have a visitor.”

He sighs, straightens his back, and prepares his best bitch face. Most people would know that people mostly deal with him through Kyungsoo and Baekhyun before they are deemed important enough for Joonmyun’s attention. 

Joonmyun doesn’t expect Yifan to be standing in the middle of the living room, bag slung against his shoulder and a sheepish smile on his face.

He rushes in, hugging his old friend before they could even say anything. For the past year, they spent most of their time on e-mails or video calling each other whenever they could. In that one year, Joonmyun was reintroduced to Yifan, the man he became after years of stumbling around in the darkness of space. And in turn, Joonmyun rediscovered himself after years of stumbling around in the darkness of space, the darkness of his mind. He’s proud to say that he doesn’t fear the ghosts in his closet anymore.

“You’re… here.” Joonmyun can’t stop smiling. The others back away to give them some privacy, but it’s Joonmyun who makes space for them to breathe. They haven’t… reconnected in that aspect of their relationship, and Joonmyun doesn’t want to rush it. Something about the size and weight of that bag makes Joonmyun feel like Yifan isn’t going to vanish in a flash anymore, and he takes comfort in that thought.

“I’m here. And, well,” Yifan looks around, “you only have three rooms in this apartment.”

Joonmyun smirks. “Yes, and if you’re staying here, you’re sleeping on the couch.”

Yifan laughs. “Oh really? Who said I was even expecting to be given a front-row seat to your private midnight display, hm?”

“Shut up.” Joonmyun hits him, not weakly, and places a hand on the back of his neck. “But I really did miss you.”

“And I’m excited for this.” Yifan places his hands on Joonmyun’s waist, one by one, as if he doesn’t know if what he’s doing is right yet. Joonmyun noses against his chin, eyes meeting his with a passion that he can’t tame. “Very excited.”

They’re not rushing. Joonmyun takes his time mapping Yifan’s mouth, recalling all the little nibbles and licks that would make his toes curl, keeping this entire moment in his mind forever. Yifan has always been gentle, always fitting against Joonmyun just right, always transparent when it comes to showing Joonmyun exactly what he wants.

And as much as they’re embarrassed to say it out loud, Joonmyun feels Yifan’s _want_ against his hip.

“Bedroom?” Joonmyun laces their fingers together.

“I thought I was going to spend my night on the couch.” Yifan kisses his eyelid as Joonmyun laughs. “Though I’m not going to be stupid enough to turn this down.”

“Don’t. You’ll regret that.” Joonmyun chuckles, and they stumble their way to the bedroom, not wanting to waste another minute now that they’ve got so much time to make up for.

✈

They’ve been everywhere. Yifan hasn’t been to the Citadel much, and Joonmyun serves as his personal tourist guide, though they do spend a lot of time making out in the darker corners of the city.

When night falls, they stay in bed, talking for hours until one of them decides they’re in the mood and they want to do something more. More often than not, it’s Joonmyun sidling up Yifan’s lap, pressing kisses against his jaw, and sliding his cold hands under Yifan’s shirt. More often than not, Yifan can’t resist him.

It’s been over a week, and Joonmyun is comfortable, happy. Yifan hasn’t mentioned leaving, and he’s happy to pretend that this is going to be a permanent thing. Everyday feels like an adventure, a new experience for both of them, and Joonmyun isn’t growing sick of this at all. Is this the domestic life? Is this what it feels like to settle down and spend every day of your life with someone you love? It doesn’t sound so bad now.

“I have to go.”

It breaks Joonmyun’s fantasy, just like that. They’re in bed, and Yifan is holding Joonmyun close, eyes on the ceiling. Joonmyun doesn’t understand, and something about this feels faintly familiar, but he doesn’t want to recall it anymore.

“Tomorrow. They’re going to pick me up.” Yifan sighs. “I only got two weeks’ worth of vacation leaves left. I filed them all for this.”

“And why do you have to go back? Why do they need you there? Why can’t you stay here with me?” Joonmyun _hates_ this the most. He hates his own desperation, the way it crawls up every nerve of his body and shakes him from the inside out.

“Shepard, he… he’s leading us in this mission. It’s a mission that, uh, isn’t something you expect to come back from.” Yifan’s voice is wavering, but he doesn’t know what Joonmyun is feeling. For once, he thought he was plainly, blissfully happy, and now Yifan tells him that he might die?

“Is that all you can say?” Joonmyun’s voice reaches dangerously low levels. “You leave me for four years. I save you, and you leave me again. Now that I’ve got a taste of what it’s like to have you around, you say you don’t know if you’re coming back? What was the point of going here anyway? Just for you to live your own happy little fantasies while I’m the one who’s left behind _again?_ ”

Yifan doesn’t answer. Joonmyun almost doesn’t want him to. Maybe he’ll take it back. Maybe it’s a joke. Maybe Yifan will stay for good, and this is a test to see if Joonmyun wants Yifan as much as Yifan wants Joonmyun.

“Everyone’s asking for these things. Blow up a facility, save a son, find a father; all sorts of things. Shepard says it’s just to clear everyone’s mind before we go in there, so we don’t have anything holding us back on the mission. He asked me if I had anything I wanted to do, anything that kept me attached to my life.” Yifan held his hand. “All I could think about was going in there without seeing you one last time, without telling you everything I feel. You’re my only exception, the only one that keeps me from dedicating myself fully to this mission.”

“So I’m a hindrance.” Joonmyun scoffs. “Is this goodbye? Are you starting things only to end them right away?”

Yifan turns to look at him, and it takes courage for Joonmyun to meet those eyes halfway. “I’m doing this because I want you to understand. I need you to understand that I may not come back, but that doesn’t mean I left you. That means… we just weren’t the best team. We didn’t make it. I want you to hear that from me before anyone else.”

Joonmyun starts crying, and he hides his face in the crook of Yifan’s neck. “Why do you have to say that? You could learn to be a bit more sensitive, you know.” Joonmyun hits him hard, but he starts laughing, brushing away his tears as he lies back down.

“If you go, then I’ll always remember this week. I’ll always remember everything we had, even for this short amount of time.”

It’s all Joonmyun wants to hold on to. If this is goodbye… then he only wants to hold on to the good memories, despite how little they will be.

Yifan kisses him one last time that night. Joonmyun takes note of their firsts and their lasts and all the little moments in between because this is all he’s going to have if Yifan really has to go. For the first time, he prays. He prays that Yifan will make it, that after a while, there’s going to be a knock on the door, and it’s Yifan smiling at him again, worn but not worse for wear. He’s going to come home, and Joonmyun prays for that.

✈

The others have cleared out, saying their goodbyes earlier in the morning. Yifan plays with the stiches on the strap of his bag, and Joonmyun puts down the last plate he’s washing. He watches the man sitting on his couch, an alien in a place that should be called home.

Joonmyun walks towards him, reaching out his hand. Yifan stands, taking the offer, pulling Joonmyun in for a hug. “Are you going to be okay?” he asks, and Joonmyun just laughs.

“I can’t believe you’re asking me that when you’re the one who’s walking into hell.” His breath escapes him in puffs, and Joonmyun feels like choking.

Yifan’s datapad beeps. “They’re on their way.”

Joonmyun pulls back, wiping a few embarrassing tears off Yifan’s shirt. They walk towards the door, and Yifan drops his bag at the doorway to pull Joonmyun in, savoring every last moment they have with each other. They can’t be blamed; this might as well be the very last.

Joonmyun holds his face, looking deep into his eyes. “Listen to me. I need you to listen to me.”

“I am,” and he places his hands on Joonmyun’s waist.

“Don’t be afraid of dying. I’m going to be fine, even if you leave here, I promise. I’m a lot stronger than I look, and I don’t want to be a hindrance. I don’t want you to think of me and think of running away. I want you to think of me as you stare your enemy in the eye, and use me to push you, not to drag you down.”

Joonmyun swallows. “I don’t want to receive the news that you died. I do not want that. But if it happens, it happens, and I can’t change your fate. I want you to come back home here though, and if you do,” Joonmyun slides his hands down, holding onto Yifan’s fingers, “I am never letting you go again.

_“I love you, Yifan.”_

The words, despite being debuted only now, roll off Joonmyun’s tongue naturally, as if he’s practiced it a thousand times. It’s new to Yifan’s ears, and it spurs him to pull Joonmyun in again, to hug him tightly, to kiss him as if there’s no tomorrow because there really will be no tomorrow for them. If Joonmyun is never going to let go, then Yifan has another reason to come back alive. If Yifan is coming back alive, then Joonmyun has another reason to keep living.

Someone coughs from behind them, but Yifan and Joonmyun take their time. Joonmyun looks over Yifan’s shoulder and sees Commander Shepard, back from the grave.

“You must be Yifan’s… uh, partner,” he says, reaching out his hand. “I’m Commander Shepard.”

“Nice to meet you. I’m Kim Joonmyun.” They shake hands, and Yifan picks up his bag with hesitation. “Yifan, you should—go.” Joonmyun turns to smile at the commander. “Take care of him. Or, better yet, don’t. It’d be more fun, don’t you think?”

Yifan scoffs. “You’re a sadist.”

“But you love me.” Joonmyun grins, pointedly ignoring the tear that rolls down his cheek. “Go. I might end up stopping you, and no one wants that.”

Joonmyun kisses Yifan’s cheek and pushes him away, not wanting to prolong this any further. If it’s going to hurt, then let it. If his heart has to be pulled out of his chest like this, then so it shall be. Joonmyun’s going to let him go, going to let his Archangel fly, but he will always, _always,_ have a place for him at home.

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. Mass Effect is a video game by Bioware (owned by EA). This fic is set in the middle of Mass Effect and Mass Effect 2, and yes, I replaced Garrus with Yifan.  
> 2\. To clarify, here are their codenames and classes:  
> Jongdae (Chen) and Sehun (Shu) = soldier  
> Minseok (Xiumin) and Kyungsoo (D.O.) = engineer  
> Lu Han (Halla) and Baekhyun (Aether) = adept  
> Yifan (Archangel) and Chanyeol (Phoenix) = infiltrator  
> Zitao (Kala) and Jongin (Kai) = vanguard  
> Joonmyun (Suho) and Yixing (Lay) = sentinel  
> 3\. Title from "Trap Door" by Stars.  
> 4\. This is the first time I've posted any of my works in public; I hope you liked it! If you have any questions, just comment. I really want to get some feedback on my writing. :) (I'm never going to write action fics ever again; I'm aware that this is terrible.)


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